Journey to my Heart
by Chaos in the Moonlight
Summary: Hephaistion is hurt and disturbed by Alexander's inattentiveness and change in attitude, and decides things much change. Part of Alexander Alphabet Challenge. Also includes "K" for King's Journey chapter 6 and 7
1. Chapter 1

Title: Journey to my heart, part 1  
Pairing(s): Hephaistion/Alexander  
Rating: NC-17 for the series  
Disclaimer: Own nothing and nothing is true. All events are purely fictitious.  
Warning(s): M/m slash, language, angst, drama, AU  
Word-count: 3,550 (this part)  
Feedback: Feed my muse please.  
Note: Written for bi-weekly Alexander Alphabet Challenge.

Hephaistion sat**,** stoically sipping his wine, ignoring the ignorant, arrogant, over-zealous, drunken buffoons around him. He'd done very well not to be plunged or coerced into any of their drama as he sat and watched his King.

Alexander was in his element as usual, being waited on hand and foot**,** and having his ass kissed and praised by anyone and everyone. The look in his lover's eyes told Hephaistion that the majestic man was feeling no discomfort and was well on his way to being firmly planted in his cups. The General huffed, as yet another serving whore flaunted her large bosom in Alexander's face and tried to perch herself on his lap. As was always the case, the woman was quickly shuffled away by one of the King's minions with a single movement of his hand.

Hephaistion had been trying unsuccessfully all evening to catch his beloved's eye**,** but had not been graced with even a glance. He knew not to call attention to himself by approaching Alexander**,** since the King himself had warned him against such inappropriate behavior. Inappropriate behavior? How exactly was it considered inappropriate when everyone else in the room, including the dreaded General Cassander, was throwing himself at the intoxicated King?

Inappropriate my ass, Hephaistion thought to himself. Not draw attention to himself, then how by Zeus' balls was he supposed to at least get a sign that his scheduled rendezvous was to take place. Alexander had iallowed/i Hephaistion two nights a week to be with him since they had arrived at Babylon. Twice a week to satisfy their animalistic urges was what the mighty Alexander had deemed practical for the man who was supposed to be the most important person in his life, the man who supposedly held his heart and always would.

"Held his heart?" Hephaistion snorted to himself, realizing he might have imbibed more wine than he had intended on. Held his heart but not his royal cock**,** if Alexander's frequenting of his royal harem was any indication. He had seen his beloved in the company of more than one pretty Persian boy as of late**,** and he was fairly certain that the lads were not washing the King's back so much as lubricating his majestic member.

"General Hephaistion. Such a displeased, sour look to be shadowing the face of the most beautiful man in Alexander's army."

"Do leave me be, Cleitus. I am not in the proper mind to spar with your quick wit and lascivious nature."

"Merely stating the truth**,** my good General**,** and would I not be wrong in assuming that it is our mighty King who has placed that sourness upon your face himself?"

"Alexander has placed nothing on my face ..."

"And therein possibly lies the problem?"

Hephaistion snorted involuntarily, the logical side of his brain telling him to repute the lewd statement but the emotional, and at the moment angry side, knowing Cleitus was absolutely right.

"I shall speak no more of this with you, General," he said, bringing his empty cup to his lips.

"There are always other options, Hephaistion," Cleitus growled, his black eyes burning holes in the sea-blue of his friend's.

"And I appreciate the offer but strongly refuse, as I always do."

"Can't blame a lusty general for trying." Cleitus grinned. "Is this not your alotted evening with our fearless leader?"

"Yes, but you never heard it from me."

It was Cleitus' turn to snort. "I've known you lads since before you even realized that the appendages between your legs were for anything except pissing, so I believe there are not many things I don't know about the two of you."

"I assure you there are some things." Hephaistion couldn't stop the smirk from curling his lips.

"Aye, and those are the very things that are reserved for my dreams."

"Cleitus!"

The black-eyed man laughed out loud. "Don't worry, boy, you and his Highness are like sons to me and though I do appreciate your physical attributes, I do pride myself on not lusting after my sons. Now you best be ignoring my ranting since your beloved seems to have made his exit."

Hephaistion looked across the room and sure enough, Alexander was nowhere to be seen. Had he at least tried to signal his lover or had he merely left without giving him a thought? Rising dizzily from his chair**,** and being steadied by the large hand of Cleitus, he bid the general good night and hurried to the entrance of the massive hall.

Alexander was not in the spot where they usually met**,** so Hephaistion decided he'd probably gone on ahead to his rooms to wait there. The hallways of the palace were empty as he approached the King's sanctuary**,** and strolled past the guards. He could hear Alexander's voice coming from the main chamber and opened the door slowly.

"I've never been blessed with a man of such limber means and sexual prowess as you," Alexander growled. Hephaistion stopped dead in his tracks. Perhaps Alexander was so deep in his cups that he was talking to himself? Or perhaps not? Did Hephaistion really want to know?

He decided quickly that he most certainly did want to know**,** and cracked the door open a little further until he was able to peek in at his King. Alexander stood fully-dressed as a tall naked boy gyrated and writhed before him. Hephaistion held his breath as the boy bent impossibly backwards, reached out his arms behind him and flipped his legs over his head to land on his feet once again.

"There is nothing I want more than to give that tight little ass of yours a pounding. Now I command you to undress me and show me what those long limbs and that filthy mouth can offer me," Alexander growled again, his tongue licking madly as he brought a cup to his lips. Hephaistion could see the shining look of lust overtake the brown eyes as he eyed up the boy and held his arms out to his sides. "You know you are a very lucky lad. I make it a rule to never indulge in the entertainment of ione of you/i more than once but you have shown me things I should like to experience, again. Now, do as you're told and grant me the pleasure I have commanded."

Hephaistion stepped back from the door, walking backwards until he caught his breath. He'd been right about the harem boys and that confirmation made him feel extremely ill. Rushing past the guards, he rounded the corner of the hallway and crashed headfirst into Cleitus.

"Hephaistion?" Cleitus questioned, watching the general struggle to his feet, one hand clutching his middle and the other clamped over his mouth. Hephaistion turned quickly and continued his march down the hallway with Cleitus close at his heels.

He reached his inner chamber just in time to retch violently, emptying his gut into his chamber pot. He felt a strong hand on his back and another pull the hair from his face as his stomach heaved and convulsed. Alexander's words played through his head like the screams of an animal being slaughtered. His mind reeled and heaved as much as his gut and his heart felt torn to shreds. If he could have wished himself away from his life at that moment, he surely would have.

"Hephaistion," Cleitus said softly, pulling the man from his thoughts and back to reality. "Are ya finished? You looked paler than death, man, come sit down." Hephaistion nodded, his mind skipping over the slight embarrassment he was feeling**,** choosing instead to follow the anger still flowing like liquid fire through his veins.

Wiping a hand across his mouth, he rose slowly and pushed past Cleitus. "I am fine, Cleitus. Please excuse my rudeness but I'd rather be alone." He sat heavily on his bed, head bowed, hands raking through the tangles and dampness of the vomit-soaked strands.

"You do not seem fine to me, General. As for your rudeness, I find no offense with a clearly upset man. Tell me what's happened? T'was not that long ago you were dancing your way out the door to rendezvous with your King."

"I do not intend to discuss imy King/i with you, General, and I beg that you leave me at once as I am not in a sparring mood."

"Not in a sparring mood, Hephaistion? Do you think so little of me that you believe I would try to amuse myself with the obvious pain you are feeling?"

"That was not my intention. I merely seek solitude, Cleitus, and my head and gut are in impossible turmoil. Please understand."

"What has he done, Phai?"

Hephaistion shot up from the bed, his body colliding with Cleitus' and crushing him to the wall, his forearm pressing on the man's throat, body tight against his. "Do not call me that! I will not accept ianyone/i calling me that, do you understand? Or perhaps you believe that by using the familiar name given me by my King, you will somehow get closer to mounting me? Is that what you wish? Because if it is, then you most certainly have arrived at an opportune time. My ass is yours for the taking, Cleitus, do you wish to take it?"

His words exhausted and his head still reeling, Hephaistion assaulted Cleitus' mouth with his own, one hand straying to the man's clothed cock and giving it a hard squeeze. "Do you wish me to take you in my mouth, Cleitus? Is that not how all the men think of me ... as the King's whore?"

In one mighty push, Hephaistion found himself flying, landing hard on his ass and slamming his head to the floor. "What in Hades has got into you, Hephaistion?" Cleitus yelled, hovering above the dazed man. "I've not seen you like this before and I do not wish to see it again."

"You don't wish to fuck me like the rest of the men, Cleitus? Oh yes, you believe me to be like a son to you, do you not? I have heard of such atrocities before though, it is quite common among the Greeks, is it not?" Hephaistion remained on his back on the floor, deciding it was as comfortable as any place else with his head pounding and his stomach rolling. "Is the smell of the vomit on my breath too unsavory for you, Cleitus? I believed you to be more hardy than that, General."

Cleitus clenched his jaw, his hands balling up into fists and the tension in his body screaming at him to beat the man lying beneath him. "You best hold your tongue, Hepahistion, for son or not, I am becoming excessively displeased with your behavior."

Hephaistion laughed out loud, his eyes closing as tears rolled down his cheeks. "Behavior? Am I being inappropriate? I have been told that before ... how inappropriate my behavior is. Please forgive me, Cleitus, as I do not wish to offend you, but merely offer myself up as a late-night refreshment."

Cleitus shook his head. He was completely baffled as to what was happening to his normally-subdued, in-control friend. This was not the Hephaistion he knew and loved, this was a raving lunatic laid out at his feet.

"Let's get you into your bed," he said, offering his hand to the sobbing man. He was positive he had never seen his friend cry before**,** not after battles**,** or when the news of his father dying had arrived**,** or even when he was injured. He intended to find out what was happening, but was unsure whether that mission would be reached this night.

Grabbing Hephaistion by his hand, Cleitus hauled him up into his arms and walked him backwards to the bed, releasing him gently and moving Hephaistion's legs so his entire body was resting comfortably. The younger man's eyes were closed but he brought one hand up to cover them**,** as Cleitus yanked the boots from his feet.

"Do you mean to undress me, too, Cleitus?" he asked quietly, his hand never leaving his face.

"No, I do not. Nor do I wish to indulge in a late-night refreshment, my troubled friend. Were you off drinking by yourself just now**,** or did you actually consume that much wine in the dining hall?"

"The wine is not the entire cause of my upset I'm afraid." Hephaistion rolled to his side, willing the general to disappear.

"Well, you do look unwell and I shall leave you alone for the moment but I expect a detailed explanation in the morning. Get some sleep, Hephaistion. Things may look better in the light of day." Cleitus turned and left the room**,** as Hephaistion rolled over again, and blew out the torch.

"I don't think the light of day will be making anything look better," he whispered into the dark. "Perhaps just the opposite."

*****

"Hephaistion!" The sound of the King's voice woke the general abruptly, his head spinning and recoiling when he opened his eyes to the brightness of the morning. "You did not appear at breakfast this morning, are you ill?" How in the name of Achilles did Alexander not suffer the effects of the drink he imbibed night after night, when Hephaistion felt like a hundred horses were galloping through his head?

"Why are you in my room, Alexander?" His voice was barely a whisper as his throat burned with dryness and leftover stomach acid from the night before. "Do you not have things to do, my King?"

"Did you over-indulge last night, Phai?" Hephaistion cringed at the old, familiar name but ensured his face remained stoic and unscathed. "Truth be told, I did not see you all evening. Were you present in the dining hall or did you sneak out early for some other reason?"

"Hephaistion! Are you ready to talk about last night or are you ..." Cleitus strolled into Hephaistion's room, stopping dead when he saw Alexander already there and glaring at him.

"By Zeus' balls!" Hephaistion cried as his head continued to throb. "Does no one bother to be announced anymore? Has my room become a common area now**,** where everyone can come and go as they please?" He could see the look of shock on Alexander's face at Cleitus' words but chose to ignore it until the King himself brought it up. Struggling to rise from his bed without allowing the whirling in his gut to cause him to retch, he slowly put his legs over the side and looked up at the two men who stood staring down at him.

"Might you allow me a few moments to piss, my good men?" he asked, setting his feet on the floor and testing his legs for signs they wouldn't wobble out from under him. "I shall see you both later when I've awake enough to see and think clearly."

Alexander and Cleitus stood open-mouthed as Hephaistion rose from the bed, turned his back to them both and entered his inner chamber. "You best be going, Cleitus, but I would like to see you in my room later."

"Why? So you can admonish me and question what I wish to talk to Hephaistion about, Alexander? I think not." He turned his back to the King and called out, "I shall speak with you later ... Phai, when you are not so busy."

Alexander's mouth dropped open, again, as Cleitus strolled out the door and Hephaistion reappeared. "Alexander, did I not ask you to give me some privacy to gather my thoughts for the day?"

"Did he just call you Phai?"

"Yes, I believe he did. Cleitus enjoys ruffling your feathers, my King, you should know that by now." The general pulled his chiton over his head and turned back to the inner chamber, dipping a cloth in the bowl of water and slowly washing his torso, relishing in the cold liquid against his skin. He placed the cloth over his face and let it linger there a moment longer, the coolness managing to soothe his aching head just a little.

"What did he mean italk about last night/i? Did something happen, Phai? Is that why you were still in bed at such a late hour in the day?" Hephaistion was not surprised that Alexander had followed him into the inner chamber**,** nor that he was trying to interrogate him when he had been specifically asked to leave him be. Alexander did what he pleased and expected everyone to just allow him to do so. He guessed it was because of his royal status**,** but that did not make Hephaistion accept it any better, especially at that moment.

"I wish to wash and dress in peace, Alexander. Please honor my request and I assure you I will come and speak with you shortly."

"Were you drinking with Cleitus last night?"

Hephaistion allowed a strong sigh to roll forth from his throat. "Yes, I was. And I was doing it right across the room from you, my King."

"In the dining hall?"

"Of course."

"But I did not see you. How is that possible?"

"You were undoubtedly busy and cannot be expected to notice everyone who comes and goes, can you, my King?"

"Are you upset with me, Phai? Have I done something to displease you?"

iDisplease me/i, Hephaistion repeated in his head. Alexander just didn't get it. He just did not understand and the general decided now was not the time to make him get it.

"Of course not. I just fell a little too far into my cups last night, and you know I am a lightweight when it comes to wine, unlike the rest of you. I merely wished to get myself together before seeing you. Might you permit me to visit you later ... to express my apologies?"

"Yes, of course. How arrogant of me to barge in when you are not well. You are sure I've not angered you though?"

Using every ounce of willpower he had, Hephaistion stepped towards his beloved and gathered him in his arms, kissing the silky hair on the man's neck then stepping back and forcefully curving his lips. "I am sure."

Alexander smiled warmly, something Hephaistion had missed dearly as of late**,** his lover smiling only at him. "I looked for you last night because I was under the impression that it was iour/i night. I'm assuming you forgot."

Hephaistion controlled his impulse to send Alexander flying on his ass to the floor. iI forgot!/i, he seethed inside. iYou pompous bastard!/i "I was feeling unwell and it must have slipped my mind. I'm sorry. Perhaps we can reschedule?" What was he doing? Wanting to reschedule was the furthest thing from his mind but still the words left his mouth.

"Of course. I'm sure we can arrange that. Let me check my schedule and get back to you. Feel free to drop in later. And Hephaistion ..."

"Yes, Alexander?"

"I trust you did not ... have relations with Cleitus?"

"What? Of course not, don't be daft."

"He did say he saw you last night."

"He merely helped me back to my room when I was ... unwell."

"Ah, yes. That's what I thought. I trust you, my love. I know our love is too strong for you to love another. Joy to you, my Phai." The King leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Hephaistion's lips, making the General cringe inside with anger, want and love.

Hephaistion waited until Alexander had cleared his door then collapsed on his back onto the bed. He was irate with himself that he had not stood up to Alexander and told him exactly what he had been doing last night**,** and that it was not ihe/i who had forgotten about their night together. And all Alexander's musing about their love was all sanctimonious horse dung.

How was it that his love for Alexander was too strong to allow him to be with another**,** but Alexander did it every other night? Was that the role he would play for the rest of his life, the King's whore**,** who waited night after lonely night for his majesty to give him a mere glance or even more unthought of, a kiss?

Suddenly sitting up so fast that his head swam with stars, his hand covering his mouth and his eyes wide, Hephaistion's brain brought forth a thought too impossible to believe. He'd kissed Cleitus last night, hadn't he? Gods, what had he been thinking or more precisely, not thinking? And had he actually offered ... for the love of Zeus**,** how was he to face the black-eyed general now?

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Part 2

"General Hephaistion!" The booming voice rang out through the half-empty dining hall where Hephaistion had huddled himself in a corner to save his aching brain from the noise and, truth be told, to avoid Cleitus. "Have you been avoiding me this day, boy?"

The longhaired brunette looked up innocently. "Of course not, Cleitus. Have you been looking for me?" Hephaistion turned his brilliant blue eyes to those of the older general's, a smirk on his lips, one hand pushing the hair from his face.

"You are definitely not meant for any profession that requires you to lie to earn your pay, Hephaistion," Cleitus chuckled, straddling the bench beside the man. "I gather your meeting with your beloved did not go well this morning?"

"It went just fine, thank you, despite you trying to ruffle Alexander's royal feathers. What was your intention exactly?"

"No intention, really. Just like to tune the boy King up**,** once in a while. Knock him off his high horse, so to speak. Did you clear the air from last evening?"

"No. 'Twas not the time**,** nor the place."

"You still look a little out of sorts**,** though, lad."

"I falter in my dealings with Alexander**,** once in a while, I suppose. He's a busy man and I need not interfere with the running of his army by voicing my petty needs."

"Petty needs? Hephaistion**,** for the love of the gods, when will you grow a pair and realize you have rights within your _relationship_ with Alexander? King or not, he has begun to lack both common decency and common courtesy, especially when it comes to the man he claims holds his very heart within his own."

"How did you ..."

"He has spoken of it on occasion, and yes, I am a very good eavesdropper, as well." Cleitus' grin broke free and covered his entire face as he leaned closer to Hephaistion. "I know of his dalliances since we've reached Babylon. The man does not even try to hide his indiscretions anymore, except the ones he partakes with you. Tell me, General, why is that? Is there something I'm missing in this whole scenario?"

Hephaistion bowed his head, his greatest fears out in the open. Cleitus had expressed exactly the question that wracked his brain and his heart. Alexander was quite happy to parade his bevy of beauties around the palace, but with his long-time lover, he crept around and spoke only in whispers. "I know not of what you speak. Alexander and I are as we always have been. I will ask you politely to not mention this, again."

"Never been one for politeness myself," Cleitus grinned.

"Yes, that is common knowledge." Hephaistion couldn't help smirking even though he was trying to be harsh enough to make Cleitus leave him alone.

"I won't let you be until you tell me what the blazes happened last night. Lust after you as I do**,** or don't, I am still your friend and I do not wish to see you in that sorry state, again."

"I apologize for my behavior. I should not have ..."

"Kissed me? Groped me? Asked me to, er ... mount you?"

Hephaistion voice was shrill and louder than he'd intended. "Cleitus! I did no such thing." He paused, looking down at his hands. "Except kiss you ... and grope your ... manhood. But I most certainly did not ask you to mount me."

"True enough. You asked me if I wanted to**,** and offered to give me the pleasure of your mouth."

"Cleitus! Gods, what was I thinking?"

"'Twas the wine thinking on its own perhaps, but there was more to it, was there not?"

Hephaistion sighed deeply, his eyes searching the room for anyone who might be listening to their conversation. "Yes. But I don't wish to talk about it."

"Do I have to beat it out of you, General?"

The younger man couldn't help but allow his lips to curve up into a slight smile. "No. Do you wish to torture me instead by making me reveal the ache in my heart, Cleitus?"

"The ache in your heart is what concerns me, my friend. I may be a brash, harsh, bastard of a man but I care deeply for you, possibly too deeply, and I don't wish to see you wrung out as you have been lately. Is there no other love in your life, Hephaistion? Other love that will give you what you so rightly deserve?"

"I've not heard you speak like this before, Cleitus. Have you been imbibing so early in the day?" Hephaistion did not wish to talk about his heart. He did not wish to talk about it at all. He'd managed to go most of us life without talking about his feeling for Alexander, except to Alexander himself and he saw no point in bringing them up now, when he was already so confused and distraught.

"Well ... make light of it as you wish**,** but mark my words, there will come a day when you will no longer be able to withstand being another notch in His Majesty's belt. And I fear that day is close."

As Cleitus walked away, Hephaistion bowed his head, his mind churning and whirling this way and that. Were there no other options than finding a new love to replace the one that consumed his entire heart, soul and being? Was there not a way to reclaim Alexander as his own and return to how they once had been ... everything to each other? Could Achilles and Patroclus really live without one another?

*****

"Hephaistion!" Alexander's voice broke his reverie, the general turning from his horse and smiling widely at his beloved. "I suspected I'd find you here. This nag certainly gets a lot of your attention, doesn't she? I believe I may be a wee bit jealous."

Hephaistion just kept smiling, his heart soaring with the love that filled his entire body as Alexander smirked at him. "No need for jealousy, it's already been made clear that you're the only one whose attention I seek. You were looking for me, Alexander?"

"Yes," Alexander beamed. "I believe I am free to meet with you tonight, Phai, if that's acceptable to you."

The General was a little rebuffed by the formalness of the King's request**,** but he was undoubtedly more enchanted by the love in Alexander's eyes which enabled him to ignore the sting in his heart. "Of course. Shall I come to your rooms after the meal, Alexander?"

Alexander stroked the shiny mane of Hephaistion's horse, his eyes never leaving the brilliant blue of his lover's. "No. I was hoping to see you before we dined. Can you come to my rooms then?"

Hephaistion nodded, a sweet smile on his lips**,** but his mind roiling again in confusion. Alexander never requested a iaudience/i before dinner, should he be concerned with that fact or just relax in the anticipation of being with his beloved? He jumped a little as Alexander's hand moved from his horse's mane to his bicep, the man's fingers dragging lightly up to his shoulder and back down again.

"I've missed you, Phai," Alexander whispered, his voice low and sensual as his fingers continued to caress his lover's skin.

"And I, you, my beloved," Hephaistion purred. He leaned in to kiss Alexander's cheek, only to have the King jump back from him and remove his soothing fingers from his skin. "There's no one around, my love, I would never ..."

"I have a meeting I must attend, Phai. I shall expect you later?" Hephaistion nodded as Alexander walked away from him. A meeting? Since when did Alexander have meetings without informing him, let alone without him? Picking up the brush he had been using on his horse, he began to stroke the silky hair, again, willing his mind to simply concentrate on the task at hand and the evening he would spend with Alexander later. He couldn't help feeling he was being taken advantage of, yet again, by his beloved, but the yearning to be in Alexander's arms was so overwhelming, so intoxicating, that he just had to think of the positives and disregard the negatives.

*****

Hephaistion carefully braided his long hair into the style Alexander always complimented him on, put on his finest tunic and bracelets and taking a deep breath left his room. He stood nervously outside the King's rooms, his heart beating madly in his chest, chastising himself for feeling like a smitten school boy. Alexander had been his lover for almost fifteen years, yet Hephaistion felt like he was an innocent virgin again, looking to make love for the first time.

The guards barely gave him a glance as he strolled past the first set of doors and knocked softly on the next. "Come," Alexander called from within, setting Hephaistion heart soaring. "Hephaistion. Are you not early?"

The General's mouth hung open for a second before his brain kicked back in. "You asked me to come before the meal, did you not?"

"Oh, yes, of course. Would you like some wine, Phai?" Alexander crossed the room to pour himself a cup, looking questioningly at Hephaistion. "Something wrong, love?"

"No," Hephaistion said quickly, as Alexander sipped at his wine, not repeating his question. "Just a little bit excited to be here with you after so long."

"Excited?" Alexander grinned. "Hmm, how excited? Excited enough to show me?" Hephaistion slitted his eyes and sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, his voice caught uncomfortably in his chest. "I've been waiting all day to give you a thorough pounding."

Alexander was suddenly on the General, his body slamming Hephaistion against the wall, his lips pressing hard enough to his lover's to make him taste blood**,** and the overwhelming flavor of wine strong enough to make Hephaistion realize his King had been swigging more than his share already. Hands pulled roughly at the General's tunic, fingers digging painfully into his skin**,** as the material was forced open from neck to waist. "I've been thinking about this beautiful body all day, Phai. Thinking about it and wanting it. Dreaming of how good my cock would feel inside it."

"You're talking about me as if I were a piece of meat, Alexander," Hephaistion managed to gasp out as he pulled his head from Alexander's. "Do you not have enough _meat_ around without turning me into a piece for you to digest, as well?"

Alexander growled deep in his throat, his hands moving up into Hephaistion's hair and yanking his head back. "You've never complained about how I spoke to you before, Phai. Has your time with Cleitus perhaps turned you away from me? Do you seek the company of the older general now instead of mine?"

Summoning up every ounce of strength in his body, Hephaistion pushed Alexander as hard as he could away from him. "I will not be spoken to like that, Alexander, not even by you. Cleitus has nothing to do with how you continue to treat me, nor I assure you, whose company I may seek."

Wiping his hand across his mouth, Alexander picked himself up from the floor and smirked at his lover. "I do enjoy it when you fight me, Hephaistion. It makes the challenge so much more interesting, don't you think?"

"The challenge?" Hephaistion yelled, stepping away from Alexander's grasping hands. "Are the boys you bring to your chambers not challenge enough? Too submissive for your hunter tendencies are they? With all their sexual prowess and limberness, you'd think they would be more of a challenge to you."

Alexander's eyebrows knitted together and his arms flailed wildly. "Have you been spying on me, General? Watching to see who is taking your place in my bed? Have you also noticed that none of those boys stay longer than a couple of hours, in direct difference to me allowing you to spend the night?"

"Allowing me? What has become of you Alexander? Do you care so little for me anymore that I have merely become one of your possessions, one of your slaves that you may order about and give permission to?"

Alexander stepped forward, his hands adjusting the tented crotch of his Persian pants. "How can you even ask me that, Phai? Can you not see what sparring with you does to me? How it winds me up until I can hardly contain my cock from springing from my pants? I would surely not allow anyone else to speak with me in the manner that you do. Can we not put this conversation aside and just enjoy the time we have, alone in this room, together, our bodies pressed tightly as one?"

Hephaistion crossed his arms over his bare chest, every fiber in his body screaming at him to just walk away, to leave, to not fall into his beloved's trap. "I do not wish to put it aside, Alexander, for that would mean we will never speak of it again. I know your trickery and I know how much time I've been allotted in your company as of late. I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms**,** but I just cannot permit myself to do that at this moment."

"Then I must ask you to leave, Hephaistion, so that I might find someone to accept the generosity I have to offer."

The General's mouth hung open in disbelief, his arms falling heavily to his arms as he watched Alexander not so much turn and head towards the door, as turn and stumble towards the door. "You cannot be serious, Alexander. Can we not talk about this? Not talk as we used to? What has happened between us that you only wish to have me in your presence for sexual entertainment? What has happened to iyou/i, Alexander? What has happened to ius/i?"

"Guards, please escort General Hephaistion from my room," Alexander called out the open door. "And send for the boy who was here last evening, I wish to _speak to_ him."

Pulling the two halves of his tunic closed, Hephaistion walked slowly past Alexander and out the door, leaving the shattered pieces of his heart on the floor where they'd fallen.

*****

"General Hephaistion?" Hephaistion's page crept into the room and asked softly. "General Cleitus is here to see you."

Hephaistion sighed deeply and waved his hand from his position on the bed. "Tell him I wish to see no one." The page disappeared but was suddenly shoved back inside, a grave, terrified look on his face.

"Wish to see no one? You can do better than that General Hephaistion," Cleitus chuckled, staring down at the small**,** frightened man. "_Boo_!" the big man suddenly cried, making the page jump, turn and run from the room.

Hephaistion tried to control a smirk from capturing his lips. "You're really cruel, you're aware of that, are you not?"

"You don't look ill to me," Cleitus stated simply, throwing himself on the bed beside his friend.

"Who said I was ill?"

"Just everyone in the dining hall. You never miss a meal so everyone was very curious when you did not appear, especially since Alexander was present."

"Alexander has nothing to do with whether I miss a meal, Cleitus."

"But I do recall more than one occasion where the two of you did not appear at the same time."

"That's not happened in a long time."

"And that's why you be so mopey?" Cleitus said, searching Hephaistion's face for the truth he was clearly hiding.

"I am not _mopey_. I just didn't feel the need to eat this evening. I don't believe there is a crime in that, is there?"

"You need an ear to bend, Hephaistion. I can see it in those sad blue eyes of yours."

"I've not had an ear to bend in a long time. All the ears turned away from me with Alexander's urging, I suspect." Hephaistion had never admitted that to himself before, that he had no one to share his innermost thoughts and fears with. Alexander was always that ear he needed and the shoulder to lean on as well, but now he felt he was truly alone.

"Aye, 'tis true. He has implied that none of us get too close to you in the past. Some of us just listen better than others." The black-eyed General smirked and knocked his shoulder against Hephaistion's. "What burr has made its way under your blanket, Phai?"

"What the Gods does that even mean, Cleitus?"

"It's something Phillip used to say. Strange saying I know, but I guess I've kept it with me all these years." Cleitus suddenly became still and quiet, making Hephaistion turn and look at the down-turned face of the man. It seemed as if the whole tone of the room had turned somber and sad and as if Cleitus had suddenly slumped into inwards into himself.

"It's true, is it not? The rumors all those years ago about the black-haired general who fell in love with his King? Alexander always suspected it was you." Hephaistion's eyes were soft and caring as he touched Cleitus' arm gently, causing the man to look up into his gaze.

"I wouldn't say fell in love. That does sound a little womanly ..." Cleitus looked away from Hephaistion's searching eyes. "But I did love him. So yes, the rumors were true."

"But near the end of his life, you weren't ..."

"No. He'd thrown me over by then. I fear that his son has inherited some of his not so reputable traits as well; the drinking, and the boys, except Phillip liked the girls, too, so that made it doubly hard."

"But you stayed by his side? When you still loved him but he never ..."

"Phillip never told me he loved me, Hephaistion. I believe in my black, old heart that he did in his own way, but my feelings never faltered in that regard. I took lover after lover in the hopes that one would make me feel as Phillip did, but to no avail. He remained my one true love and even all these years after his death, I've not found that feeling again."

Hephaistion let his head fall back to the wall, closed his eyes**,** and sighed deeply. "Was it worth it, Cleitus? Was it worth all the loneliness and heartbreak and pain?"

"Alexander has told you he loves you, has he not?"

"Yes, all my life."

"Therein lies the big difference then, and in your situation, it might be worth all the pain, but I wish to also give you some advice of the opposite, as well."

The longhaired man turned his head to look into the black eyes boring into his own. "Of course."

"Don't wait forever for something to happen, my friend. Don't wait forever for something that may happen. Make a decision within yourself to do what needs to be done, but then, agree within yourself that shall your needs not be fulfilled, that you will make another decision to move forward."

"I don't understand."

"I never let Phillip know what I wanted, Hephaistion, nor what I needed or felt for him. It's highly likely that it would not have made a difference in his life nor mine, but at least then I could have told myself that I had tried. Perhaps, just that feeling of trying would have allowed me to move on and find someone else to fill my heart."

"I've not seen you displaying any affection for anyone in a long time, Cleitus. But there was a woman just after Phillip died, was there not?"

"Aye, it's been a long time since I've been with anyone. The woman was a convenience that I forced myself to partake in**,** with hopes an heir would spring from the coupling, but alas, it wasn't to be. I'm old and ready to be put out to pasture, Hephaistion. My life has almost run its course, but yours ... you have so much to do and to give**,** and I hate to see you become a bitter, withered old man such as myself."

"You are not an old work horse ready to be put out to pasture nor are you the least bit old and you don't seem at all bitter to me, Cleitus. I'd say right now you're more than a little sweet."

Cleitus roared, throwing his head back, tears of laughter eventually leaking from his eyes while Hephaistion chuckled beside him. "Now lad, be careful how loud you utter those words, we don't want that information getting into the wrong hands and ruining my reputation as a right bastard."

"So there were others besides the woman, Cleitus?" the younger man suddenly whispered, eyes turned down to his clasped hands.

Cleitus wiped a hand across his moist eyes and looked intently at Hephaistion. "Of course. I've not been with anyone in a long time, but in my prime I dare say I deflowered a few boys and spent some time with a lot of men, nothing of any relevance in my life though." He tilted his head and turned his body towards Hephaistion, a curious look inhabiting his face. "Have you not?"

Hephaistion's head remained down, his teeth madly worrying his lip while his hands twisted and untwisted. "It's not that I've not been giving the opportunity ..."

"I should say not. I've been present for a substantial number of opportunities that you've been offered."

"... I just never ... "

"Never?" Cleitius couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice as he looked at his friend. "I just assumed that ..."

Hephaistion shook his head slowly. "I just never felt the passion for anyone else."

"It's not always about passion, my dear Hephaistion. Sometimes it's merely about comfort**,** and the feel of another body against yours, wanting you and responding to you. More often than not it's the exact opposite of passion, really. If you find someone to be passionate about that makes it better**,** but more often it's about being with someone and releasing some tension. You've never felt the need to release tension?"

"No. Not in that way ... only with Alexander. You must think me abundantly naive."

"Naive?"

"To have always felt that I didn't need to experiment or be with others. I cannot believe it myself at the moment, feeling the way I do. I think I have trusted too deeply in the myth of Achilles and Patroclus."

"Alexander did something particularly nasty today, did he not?"

Hephaistion nodded and dipped his head, again. "I am a thirty year-old man who has ordered his men to fight to the death, as well as fighting to the death myself, yet I've never experienced the act of love with anyone but my beloved**,** who has proven to me many times that I don't matter to him as much as he matters to me. I feel like such a fool, Cleitus."

Cleitus placed a gentle hand on Hephaistion's bare skin where his tunic had ridden up his thigh. "You are far from a fool, my good General. Alexander is the fool and I believe you need to show him that."

Hephaistion crinkled up his nose and squinted his eyes. "Show him? Gods, how can I do that? I practically moon over the man day after day, already submitting myself to ridicule and humiliation. I care not to suffer any more indignity, if I can help it."

"He needs to see that you are desirable to more than just himself, Hephaistion, and that he is perhaps not the only one you desire, as well."

"But I don't desire anyone else and I don't wish to be desirable to anyone else."

"Will only be a ruse, lad, only a performance for the King himself. As much as I want to tell you to move on to someone that deserves you more, our hearts are twinned when it comes to iour/i Kings, are they not? And I know you need to use everything in your power to put yourself first in his eyes, or at least know you've tried in any way you can."

"Sounds like a game I shall not be enthusiastic about playing."

"But if it wins you the Alexander you so want back, is it not worth the effort?"

*****

The food had been devoured**,** and the men were already strongly in their cups**,** when Hephaistion and Cleitus strolled into the dining hall. They chatted and laughed when they entered, paying no mind to the King**,** who watched them intently from his usual spot across the room. Hephaistion noted that the naked dancing boy from the night before was moving seductively in front of Alexander, his only item of clothing being a loincloth secured at his hip.

Grabbing cups of wine, the two generals chose a couch in the farthest corner and sat side by side, their laughter reaching from one end of the room to the other. Cleitus pushed a wayward auburn strand from Hephaistion's face and was rewarded with a sweet smile that was intended only for him.

"Is he watching us?" Hephaistion asked**, **his eyes not leaving those of the other general's as he sipped from his cup. "I feel everyone's eyes on us**,** but cannot look up to see if Alexander's are part of the crowd."

"Aye, don't look at him, it's for the best. He is staring at us from across the room, a boy on each side of him**,** and one sitting on the floor, rubbing his feet."

"Gods!" Hephaistion hissed. "It's even worse than usual then? I can't go on with this game, Cleitus. I'll not lower myself to his level ..." Hephaistion's words were quickly cut off as the older general pressed a soft kiss to his lips**,** then pulled his head back and smiled widely.

"You're doing fine, Hephaistion. Do not let him scare you off from the task at hand."

"I don't believe we agreed on openly kissing, Cleitus," Hephaistion said, his cheeks reddening**,** as Cleitus continued to meet his gaze.

"But it's made a fine impression on our good King, nonetheless," Cleitus smirked. "He's discarded all the boys and is marching his way to us at this very moment."

"Oh Zeus' balls, I'm not sure I'm prepared for this."

"General Cleitus. General Hephaistion. We missed you at dinner. Was there something pressing going on that I should know about?" Alexander's eyes were bloodshot, the wine-soaked stench of his breath overpowering**,** even from a few feet away. "Have you nothing to say?"

"We were otherwise occupied," Cleitus growled**,** causing the King's brown eyes to widen and his mouth to fall open. "We've made our appearance now so there should be no questions as to where we were, am I not correct? Or does His Majesty have a problem with his men offering camaraderie?"

Alexander pursed his lips as he shifted his icy glare to Hephaistion. "And you, General Hephaistion? Was it you that was in need of camaraderie? Perhaps you needed a little comfort after your performance this afternoon?"

"Wha ..." Hephaistion's eyes were as big as saucers as he stared into Alexander's angry face. Surely the King would be publicly expose what had happened this afternoon.

"I was told you did not fair so well in the wrestling ring today, Hephaistion."

Breathing a sigh of relief that Alexander had not stooped as low as he had feared, Hephaistion replied, "I was distracted and I was being lenient on the lad who had taken me on. You know I won't embarrass a youngster who gathers enough courage to challenge me. I assure you that I did not lose the match and should I have chosen to do so, I could have taken the boy out in the first minute of the grappling."

Cleitus smirked behind his hand**,** as he watched Hephaistion slowly grow a backbone right in front of him, and perhaps a larger pair of balls, as well. "If you'll excuse us now, my King," he spoke up. "I believe I have some wine in my room that is waiting impatiently for Phai and me to drink it."

Hephaistion felt like he would pass out as he stood up from the couch, passed in front of Alexander and proceeded to walk out the door. He kept his breath sucked in**,** for fear he would begin to gasp and sputter right there in front of his lover.

"Breathe," Cleitus whispered**,** as they rounded the corner and continued down the hallway. "He's right behind us, so you need to at least appear as if you are happy to accompany me to my room."

Cleitus slung his arm around Hephaistion's shoulders, pulling him in to his body as the younger man slid an arm about his waist. Hephaistion was fully aware of the brown eyes staring intently at his back**,** as Cleitus opened the door to his room and they both slipped quickly inside.

"Gods!" Hephaistion blew out his breath, his head reeling from lack of oxygen. "Where did you hone your acting skills, Cleitus? 'Tis not something I'd want to have to do all the time."

"King Phillip expected his men to be actors in their own right, especially those he was bedding."

Hephaistion smiled at the sad look on Cleitus' face, then rose on his tiptoes and kissed the General's lips. "Do you desire me**,** Cleitus?"

Cleitus' face fell and he stumbled around his words. "Desire ... you were just having a mere heart attack in the hall and now you're saying ... what are you saying ... Hephaistion?"

"I wish to sleep with you, Cleitus, but I don't wish to hurt you or give you any false hopes." Hephaistion's mind was clearer than it had been in days**,** which amazed even him. He had gone over the conversation of earlier that evening in his head**,** and had come to the conclusion that sleeping with Cleitus was something he wanted to do.

"I don't know what to say," Cleitus stammered. "I've not been trying to help you in order to bed you, Hephaistion, nor do I wish to force myself on you for some payment you believe is owed."

"You wouldn't be forcing me, Cleitus. I'm asking you to allow me to seek the comfort you spoke of. Comfort**,** and the release of tension, I believe you called it. I can think of no other man that I would wish to be with for those sole purposes."

Cleitus licked his lips, his hands going up to card through his hair. "I've not been with anyone in a long time. I'm not convinced that I'm the right choice for your purposes."

"Do you know how hard it was for me to ask this of you? How my heart beats faster with a sense of betrayal towards Alexander? If you don't wish to be with me this night because you are not attracted to me or don't desire me then I understand, but please do not make this excruciating decision of mine seem trite**,** merely because you think you're taking advantage."

"Are you sure?" Cleitus asked nervously.

Hephaistion laughed gently as he walked towards Cleitus. "Where has that brash, harsh bastard of a man, who would jump me without a moment's thought, gone to? I mean no harm to you**,** nor do I want to make you do anything you are not comfortable with. Am I coming across as desperate, perhaps?"

"No, not desperate. But you are hurting right now, and I don't wish you to be guilt-ridden in the morning. That will only add to the confusion and discomfort you're already feeling about Alexander."

"I wish to be held and kissed and desired, Cleitus. I need all those things, but I don't wish to go to someone who doesn't understand, in order to get them. If I feel guilty afterwards then I shall deal with it, but for now I just wish to be with someone ... I wish to be with you."

Winding one hand behind the older general's neck, Hephaistion pulled the man's head down and pressed their mouths together. Cleitus paused for only a moment before crushing Hephaistion to him, his hands going around the man's middle and his lips crushing the soft ones against his. The kiss intensified and deepened quickly, both men tilting their heads to get even closer as their tongues sought each other out and tangled together.

Running his hands down Hephaistion's back, Cleitus grabbed the firm mounds of his ass and lifted him up**,** as the younger man wrapped his legs around his waist and tightened his arms about his neck. Their mouths continued to grind and bruise while Cleitus carried Hephaistion to his bed and lay him down.

"It's truly an honor to be your ... second," the older general joked**,** as he undid Hephaistion's tunic and pushed it from his shoulders. "You are a true specimen of beauty."

Hephaistion snorted, running his hands over Cleitus' strong, broad, clothed chest. "You don't need to woo me, Cleitus, just get undressed and take me."

Cleitus paused and stood up straight. "You wish me to take you, Hephaistion?"

"Isn't that what this is all about?"

"Have you ever taken for yourself?"

"Wha ... you mean ..." Hephaistion felt his cheeks blush slightly and cursed himself for his naivete, yet again.

"Aye. Has Alexander ever let you feel the other side of lovemaking? Has he allowed you to make love to him?"

"Well ... no, but that was never a problem. I'm not the type who cares about who does what to whom. Did Phillip ... allow you?"

"No," Cleitus growled, as he pulled his own tunic from his body and removed both his and Hephaistion's boots. "But I have obviously done so since Phillip. Do you wish to experience being the taker, Phai? Do you wish to mount me?"

Hephaistion opened his mouth but when no words came out, closed it again and sucked his bottom lip between his teeth. "I'm not sure. It's not something that Alexander was ever willing to do, I guess. Is it something you'd be comfortable with me doing?"

"I wouldn't have brought it up if I wasn't." Cleitus leaned down and captured Hephaistion's lips again, lifting the man's upper shoulders so his tunic could be slipped the rest of the way off, then covering the taut young body with his own, bare skin on bare skin.

Hephaistion arched his body into Cleitus', pushing their hard cocks together. "Gods," he whispered into the man's mouth**,** as his hands found Cleitus' ass and he pulled it closer. He marveled at the differences between Cleitus' body and Alexander's; his chest broader, his waist wider, his arms more muscled and his cock thicker. He wanted to touch all the differences but at the same time his desire grew with each passing moment and he couldn't keep the thoughts of being inside the man from his mind.

"Do you wish for me to prepare you?" Hephaistion asked quietly as Cleitus sucked vigorously on his neck, his tongue lapping at the golden skin and his hand clutched in Hephaistion's long locks.

"No," Cleitus replied, lifting his head and pressing a passionate kiss to Hephaistion's lips. "I'm not the sort of man who needs preparing but I suggest we switch positions soon or I cannot promise I won't take you myself." Hephaistion grinned, hooking a leg around the back of Cleitus' knee and expertly flipping him to his back so their positions were reversed. "You are the master of the wrestling ring, aren't you, my beautiful general? And your body, Hephaistion ... your body was surely made by the Gods."

"Less talking," Hephaistion moaned against Cleitus' lips, as he took the older man in his hand, running his thumb over the silky head and rubbing gently. "Might I offer you my mouth before I take you, Cleitus? That's definitely one thing Alexander does permit me to do."

Cleitus chuckled and arched his back as Hephaistion's fingers circled his sensitive head then traced down his length and back up again. "Gods, no," he groaned. "I shan't last long as it is. There should be oil in my inner chamber if you don't mind fetching it."

Hephaistion licked at Cleitus' lips, his tongue trailing down the General's jaw then his neck and chest, and finally over the fluttering muscles of his belly before dipping into his navel and swirling around. Cleitus sucked in his breath and wound his fingers in the long strands as his friend's head dipped lower still and his tongue dragged over the entire length of his cock.

"'Tis a good thing I'm not getting my hopes up for this to happen again. I don't know if my old black heart could take much more of you," he teased, causing Hephaistion to laugh against his manhood, sending shocks of pleasure from his groin to his brain. "The oil, Hephaistion ... get the oil."

The younger man grinned and rose from his friend's body, naked crossing the room as Cleitus sat up to watch. "I'll never understand what's gotten into you, Alexander," he muttered to himself, giving his cock a sharp pull. "That man is more God than I've ever seen before."

"Now, I have to tell you, Hephaistion," Cleitus said when the man re-entered the room. "I'm not a man who appreciates slow and easy. If you're to mount me, it has to be with force and nary a worry about being polite or caring."

"How romantic," Hephaistion quipped, opening the jar of oil and smearing some on his fingers. "Would you like to oil me up or shall I?"

Cleitus' breath hitched in his throat at the mere thought of touching the bobbing cock before him as he grabbed the jar and dipped his fingers in the oil. He grabbed Hephaistion's member gently and ran his greased fingers up and down the shaft, while Hephaistion tilted his head back and closed his eyes.

Forcing himself to release the hard, oiled cock, Cleitus rolled to his belly and went up on his knees, giving Hephaistion easy access to his entrance. The younger man dribbled some oil into the crack of Cleitus' ass, smeared it around with his fingers then lined his himself up with the puckered hole.

His breath escaped him as the head of his member breached Cleitus' body, pushed past the tight ring of muscle and pushed deeper inside. "Gods, what have I been missing all these years," he groaned aloud, drawing a moaning chuckle from Cleitus as he arched his body back onto Hephaistion's cock.

It was fast and rough, just like Cleitus had requested and just like Hephaistion had needed to stifle the voices in his head, the voices that would bring on the guilt and the pain, yet again. But for those few moments, the King's lover was comfortable and content and devoid of all the tension that had been plaguing his body. For those few moments, he felt desired and loved, and in control of something in his life, which was a feeling he had been lacking and seeking for many years.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

The sound of a snarling, rabid dog woke Hephaistion from a deep sleep. Reaching under his pillow for his ever-present dagger, he found a large warm hand instead, and sat up quickly, staring down at the snoring man beside him. Flashbacks from the night before entered his mind, flashbacks that were not altogether unpleasant, to the contrary in fact, they were quite pleasant. His first ... and second experience of being the _taker_ had been a success indeed.

He pulled himself gently from the arm surrounding his middle, causing a sharp grunt to sound out from the pillow where Cleitus' face was buried. After relieving himself in the inner chamber, he threw his tunic on and snuck quietly from the other General's room.

The halls were deserted in the still-darkened palace and Hephaistion ran into no one in his short walk to his room. Stripping his clothes off again, he washed himself thoroughly in his basin, ran his fingers through his hair then tied it back with a leather cord and put on a clean white chiton. His intention was to go for a ride before the palace woke up, it was a calming exercise he indulged in quite often as of late, a sort of clearing of his mind and body before the day began.

The stables were as empty as the hallways of the palace as he threw the well-worn blanket onto his horse's back and climbed on. The sun was just beginning to rise and the crisp morning air was exactly what he needed to awaken all his senses and begin his day.

The horse felt strong and comforting beneath his thighs and buttocks, a familiar feeling that he just needed at that moment. He started out slow but then ran the horse, the two of them soaring as one over grass and dirt and fallen trees. It was the most freeing thing he could think of; being on that beast, the wind blowing his hair back, the cool morning air stinging his face. He was in control of all that was around him in those few precious moments, in control of who he was and where he wanted to go.

He reined in the horse near and a stream, dismounted and tied her to a tree. Removing his boots, he sat at the water's edge and dipped his toes in the icy water. The perfect place to reflect and in Hephaistion's mind, he knew he was overdue for an abundance of reflection. Leaning back onto his hands, he tilted his head towards the sky and basked in the warm beginning rays of the sun.

What was he do? What did he want to do? His thoughts winded their way back to the night before ... with Cleitus. It had been a true experience, one he would treasure for the rest of his days but it had not been more than it really was; two men in need of companionship coming together to just share a moment, or several. He was eternally grateful that Cleitus had shown him this different side of himself and a different side of the black-eyed General, as well.

Breathing a heavy sigh, he opened his eyes and took in the beauty around him. As a boy that had always been one of favorite things to do, just sitting quietly beside a stream and taking in the earthly beauty around him. He had many memories of Alexander joining him in his forays into nature, as well.

He had always been the soft-spoken boy in the bunch, the thoughtful, level-headed one and he agreed that perhaps that's who he had become as a man. Always a follower and never a leader, especially when it came to Alexander. He'd chased after his beloved even before he realized he was feeling more than just friendship in his heart for the young Prince, even before Alexander gave him a second thought, and long before he discovered he would follow the blonde-haired imp anywhere he wished to go.

He let his arms fold to his sides until he was laying flat on his back, his body feeling every bump and bulge from the earth beneath him and making him feel truly alive. He wondered sometimes whether his true destiny would have been a life filled with battles and armor and the ways of the army, had he not fallen so hopelessly and helplessly in love with the man who still held his heart. Would he have found something else in his life to direct his passion towards?

He assumed he would have taken a wife by now, at least for the purpose of having an heir but he also wondered whether he would have become accustomed to being with a woman should he have never felt the sharp love for a man first. Would he be married with youngsters of his own playing at his feet or would he have chosen the solitary life of a scholar, a choice in career that Aristotle had always encouraged for him?

He sat up quickly, the change in position making his head swim slightly, then rubbed his hands over his tired face. He let his fingers trace the scar below his left eye, as well as the one above his eyebrow, the skin puckered and raised. They had never bothered him before, never made him feel that others were staring but now he wondered whether his body would have been riddled with these markings and the others that adorned his legs and torso, had he not chosen to live Alexander's dream with him. The staring had never bothered him, he'd been stared at throughout his entire life whether because of the beauty everyone told him he possessed or the quickness in obtaining his official status in the army that the other generals always said he had earned on his back, or the way he and Alexander had always looked at each other despite the eyes on them.

His mood saddened dramatically when it all at once dawned on him that the exchange of looks between he and his beloved was no longer as equal as it once was. He rarely saw Alexander looking at him with the love and adornment that once graced the dark eyes of his lover. Had he truly become only another one of the King's men? And if he had, was he able to live with that knowledge alongside the man he had given himself to body, heart and soul?

Seeing that the sun was becoming higher in the sky and knowing the palace would be alive with the start of a new day, he pulled his boots on and rose from the ground. Cleitus' final words just before closing his eyes, drifted through his thoughts making him question just how far he was willing to go to reclaim his King's love. Was one night of possible humiliation and indignity worth the prospect of getting back the one thing ... the only thing he had cherished and yearned for his entire life?

*****

"Joy to you, General Cleitus," Hephaistion said, setting his bowl and cup on the table beside the older General. "I trust you slept well and your own snoring did not keep you awake."

Cleitus threw his head back and laughed as his companion smirked and sipped from his cup. "You certainly have a new spring in your step and joy in your voice, my young General. I believe last evening's activities agreed with you, did they not?"

"Oh yes, they agreed most heartily with me. And you? Are you a touch bow-legged this morning, my friend?"

"Aye, many years on a horse have made me permanently bow-legged, but I will admit to being a touch sore in my ... personal areas."

It was Hephaistion's turn to chuckle, the sound coming up from his throat so quickly he sputtered food from his mouth. "That's not a very pretty sight, now is it?" Cleitus teased, handing the choking General his cup of water. "I'll remember not to make you laugh when you're got food in your mouth again."

"Thank you," Hephaistion was finally able to reply before bursting into laughter right alongside Cleitus' own chuckles.

"Well, we seem to be in good spirits this morning," Alexander said, sneaking up on the twosome from behind. "I hope that means you're both ready to do some extra duties today."

"Joy to you, Alexander," Hephaistion said, looking up into the stormy eyes of his King. "Good spirits that only a good night's rest and an early morning ride in the silence of nature can produce. I encourage you to try both sometime, my King."

Alexander frowned, his eyes drowning in the seas of his lover's orbs. "Might I have a word with you, General Hephaistion, in private?"

Hephaistion's mouth dropped open slightly, his eyes never leaving Alexander's as Cleitus put a finger under his jaw and pushed it closed. "I have duties to attend to, my King. The beautiful General is all yours. Might we meet up for our meal again, my good Hephaistion?"

With a slight sneer on his lips, Hephaistion replied, "Of course, Cleitus. Don't indulge in too much wine before I make my appearance."

The black-eyed General grinned and walked away. "When did Cleitus become your ... confidant, Hephaistion," Alexander started in right away, motioning Hephaistion to rise and follow him outside. "I'm slightly disturbed with the sight I witnessed last evening. Did you spend the night with Cleitus, Phai?"

Hephaistion held his words until the two men had cleared the dining room and were walking down the hall, then stopped and took Alexander's arm. "Cleitus is a good friend, Alexander, he has been a good friend to me over the last while and if I chose to spend the night with him, I humbly believe that is not your concern."

Alexander's mouth opened and closed as he felt the warm hand on his skin, his mind reeling from Hephaistion's words. "Am I not your beloved any longer?"

"You have always been my beloved and I believe you always will be, but might I not ask the same question of you? Am I not your beloved, Alexander?"

"Of course, Hephaistion. You are my heart, you know that."

"I know that less at this moment than I ever have, my love," Hephaistion said, his fingers caressing the skin on Alexander's arm. "And I am trying to understand why you reject me so, and that calls for much reflection on my part. Cleitus is helping me with that reflection. I've discovered that the old General and I have more in common than I ever imagined."

"And if I don't like you spending so much time with Cleitus?"

Hephaistion snorted. "You've made it very clear that I am not your wife nor your only beloved ..."

"You _are_ my only beloved!" Alexander exclaimed.

"Alright, but I am not your only lover, does that make it more clear? And in that knowledge I do not believe you have the right to choose who I spend my time with. If I had my way and I had my wish, I would spend all my time with you, Alexander, but that is not the way the world works and I have accepted that. Maybe that's something you need to reflect on within yourself, how the world works for you and if it is acceptable to you in all ways. Now if you will excuse me, I have duties to attend to."

Hephaistion released Alexander's arm only to have his own arm grabbed roughly. "Hephaistion ..."

The General leaned into his King, pressed a soft kiss to the side of his mouth and smiled. "Good day to you, Alexander." He pulled his arm from his beloved's and walked quickly down the hall away from the man. He quietly counted his steps so as not to appear to be in a rush, even though his heart was threatening to beat out of his chest and he was certain everyone around him could hear its thumping.

*****

Alexander pushed the platinum curls from his face as he wound his way down the corridor, the last of his wine already drunk from the cup he clutched in his hand. He'd have to do something about that right away. It just would not do for the King to be fresh out of refreshments. He snickered to himself as he threw the cup down and opened the door to the room he sought.

The brightly-clad, exotic women turned their eyes to the door as he entered but bowed their heads again and made no move to greet their King. They all knew Alexander did not visit the harem for girls or women so there was no need to throw themselves at his feet in hopes they would be the chosen one for the night.

Alexander made his way past the lowered eyes and into the main room, grabbing an offered cup from one of the older women's hands and quickly bringing it to his lips. Something in the opposite corner of the room caught his eye and he stopped dead in his tracks.

"Either I've had way too much to drink already or that is my beloved Hephaistion," he murmured to himself. He quickly changed direction and paused, hidden behind a large plant, watching as his lover stood talking to a boy in the corner. Harem girls surrounded his him but Hephaistion scared them off with one glance of his disapproving but stunning blue eyes, the boy being the only one he seemed interested in.

As Alexander continued to watch, Hephaistion took the boy by the hand and led him to the door, disappearing into the main hall. The King quickly threw down his cup of wine and followed behind the pair, but not close enough that he could be detected. He came around the corner just in time to see the General escort the boy into his room and shut the door behind him.

"There must be some mistake," he thought to himself. "Hephaistion does not visit the harem nor does he partake in the contents therein. First Cleitus's room and now this." What was becoming of his boyhood friend?

Alexander was tempted to barge into his lover's room and demand to know what was going on and what had gotten into Hephaistion, but he turned instead, forgetting his pursuit of company for the evening and stalking off to his own room.

*****

"Joy to you, Alexander," Hephaistion said as the man approached him. "Did you come to show us how a true King conducts himself in the wrestling ring?"

Alexander snorted despite himself. "You know you're the only one who excels at that, Hephaistion. Have you some strong boys to teach your mighty art to?"

"I do. They are fast-learning and willing to eat all the dirt that I press their faces into."

Alexander smiled. It seemed like the first civil and casual conversation he'd had with his beloved in weeks and it was of great comfort to him. "I've come to ask you to join me in my rooms for the evening meal."

Hephaistion hesitated, looking into Alexander's eyes and then away into the distance. "I'm sorry, Alexander, but I have a previous engagement that I must attend to."

"A previous engagement? Much like the one you had last night perhaps?"

The General squinted into the sun, his tanned skin wrinkling between his brilliant eyes. "I had no engagement last evening. I had my meal and returned to my room."

"Alone?"

"Of course."

"Cleitus did not join you last evening?"

Hephaistion let out a chuckle. "Is that what this is about?" he said softly so other ears did not hear. "Are you indeed jealous of the friendship I share with Cleitus?"

"Is it a mere friendship, Hephaistion, or something more?"

Shaking his head, Hephaistion straightened his shoulders and looked into the brown eyes before him. "I have told you, my King, my affairs and engagements are no one's concern but my own. I appreciate the invitation but as I said, I must regretfully decline."

Alexander's gaze remained fixed on Hephaistion's, the two men deadlocked, neither wanting to be the one to look away first. "Alright. But if you change your mind, please find me. I'm anxious to spend some time with you, Hephaistion."

Hephaistion nodded, watching as his beloved turned and walked away. He was able to maintain his composure until the man was out of sight but then turned and let out the breath he'd been holding. He struggled hard against going after Alexander and accepting his offer of company and should Cleitus not have appeared at that very moment, he was sure he would have lost the fight with himself.

"You don't look so good, man," Cleitus said laying a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Was that Alexander I just saw walking away?"

Hephaistion nodded, still unable to speak for fear the emotion that was coursing through his body would spring from his throat in the form of a mighty sob. "Breathe, Hephaistion," Cleitus whispered. "Breathe, boy. He's become suspicious has he not? Looking for your attention since he thinks it's elsewhere?"

Nodding again, Hephaistion rested on his haunches. "Yes and he makes it extremely hard to say no to him."

"Everything's falling into place, 'twon't be long now."

*****

Alexander made sure his eyes never left the beauty of his Hephaistion that evening in the dining hall. He, of course, did not make it appear so, but his eyes were always watching the long-haired general, waiting for him to slip quietly from the room. He locked eyes with his lover only once and quickly looked away as Hephaistion smirked and widened his eyes at him. Had the man no discretion at all?

When Hephaistion rose from his couch and bid goodnight to his companions, Alexander was close on his heels. He followed discreetly behind the man as he strolled the long hallway, ending up at the door to the harem and slipping inside. The King remained around the corner, watching the door nervously until his beloved opened it again and exited the room, the same boy closely in tow but also joined by an older woman.

"A boy _and_ a woman?" Alexander muttered, quickly covering his mouth and ducking back around the corner. He continued to follow the threesome as they entered Hephaistion's room and closed the door behind them.

The King stood stunned in the middle of the corridor, his knees feeling weak and his brain and stomach heaving. Leaning against the wall a few feet from Hephaistion's door, he slumped to the floor and covered his face with his hands. Had he ever really considered the possibility the man he loved would take another, let alone would take a woman?

"Alexander?" He heard as he lifted his head to find Cleitus staring down at him. "What in the blazes are you doing sitting in the hallway? Have you business with Hephaistion? Is he not in?"

"I ... no ... yes ..."

"I've a meeting with him myself but if you wish to come in, I'm sure he won't mind."

"You ... have a meeting with him? Right now?"

"Aye, and I've brought the wine," Cleitus replied, holding up the bottle and several cups in his hands. "Get off the floor, man. Come, we'll go in to see him together. It could make for a most interesting evening, don't you agree?"

Hoisting himself from the floor, Alexander pushed past Cleitus and stomped his way down the hall, his robe flying out behind him. He could hear the loud chuckles of the General and had half a mind to turn and order him back to his own room, but decided the best thing to do was just keep walking.

*****

Hephaistion watched the boy dancing from his corner of the great room. He was good. He made his body appear almost liquid as he gyrated and whirled before Alexander. "By the Gods," the General whispered to himself, taking in the firm, unscarred body. "How am I to compete with the likes of that?"

"You look positively glum, General Hephaistion," Cleitus beamed, taking a spot on the couch beside the younger man. "But I see you're doing some studying, at the very least."

"It's not going to work, Cleitus. He's far too taken with the boy. I offer no competition in what he's looking for at all."

"It's not a competition. Perhaps you need some more wine in you?"

"The last thing I need is more wine. I must keep my head about me or this scheme will not even have a chance of working." Hephaistion bowed his head and looked into his cup. "Is everything prepared?"

"Aye. Whenever you are, my beauty."

"Stop that!" Phai hissed, moving Cleitus' hand from his thigh. "My heart is racing at an alarming speed and I don't need you making it any worse. Can we please just get this over with so I can slink back to my room with my rejected tail between my legs?"

"That's not a very good attitude to have, General. You must think of this as a battle, a battle that you are determined to win, in order that all things will be restored to what they once were."

Hephaistion lifted his head and scowled at the smirking man. "What kind of horse dung is it that you're spewing right before we ... I ... can we just get on with it ... now."

"As you wish General Hephaistion. I shall go gather the troops." Cleitus ruffled Hephaistion's long hair as he rose from the couch, leaving the man alone with his thoughts, again.

"Oh by Zeus' balls," Hephaistion muttered as he watched Alexander approach him from across the room. "This is definitely not what I need at the moment." He stood and turned his back to the King, hoping the man would think he hadn't seen him and then he could just slip quietly out the door.

"Hephaistion!" the Royal voice said, as a hand grabbed his shoulder. "You're not off for the evening already, are you? Come sit with me. The boys are going to dance and it's a lovely sight indeed."

"I don't wish to watch your boys dance, Alexander. I'm feeling a little under the weather and would prefer to retire to my room for the night. But please, do enjoy your boys." Hephaistion's nervousness had turned into anger in a matter of seconds which in fact turned out to be a good thing since he was better able to push past his King and exit the room, leaving Alexander opened-mouthed in his wake.

*****

Hephaistion felt tiny droplets of sweat attach themselves to his hairline as he moved his body. He circled his hips, making the muscles beneath his skin flutter and stretch and contort. He thrust his pelvis forward as he raised one arm slowly in the air, rotating it at the elbow, causing his biceps to flex and contract. A single drop of sweat escaped the confines of his hair and floated gently down his shoulder and between his hard pecs as he rocked his hips and rolled his belly in one fluid motion. His eyes closed, rolling slowly back in his head while he concentrated on the movement of his body, feeling every slight ripple and vibration go straight to his brain and make him push himself further.

"Hephaistion! What is the meaning of this?"

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Hephaistion felt ridiculous; completely undignified and humiliated as he slipped on the sheer black pants that looked so womanly, they made him want to hit somebody in the head in a really imanly/i manner. Ridiculous. Cleitus' idea was utterly ridiculous. But what other choice did Hephaistion have? He just wanted Alexander to love him again as he once had, to want to be with him and not with the dancing boys he so desired now.

"Gods! This better work," he thought to himself, his mind reeling with all the things that could go wrong, starting with Alexander thinking he was an utter fool and completely turning his back on him. Would he be able to live peacefully at Alexander's side if he was a mere merely a general to him, and nothing more?

He gave his head a good shake to rid himself of the negative thoughts circling round his brain and making him physically dizzy. He'd practiced with the boy and woman from the harem and he'd practiced hard. And it was harder than it looked, much harder. The way they instructed him to move his body, and concentrate on each part he was moving at the time, was actually enough to make him want to cancel the whole plan, but Cleitus had been by his side, pushing him back into the game. He'd have the black-eyed general's head on a platter if this all blew up in his face.

Once the pants were pulled on, and adjusted so he didn't feel like his member was quite so _on display_, he unraveled the braids in the front of his hair and ran his fingers through the soft strands, then put the gold headband and bracelets on to complete the costume. If only his father could see him now, he'd turn over in his grave, not to mention Phillip.

He heard the eunuch from the harem begin to play the flute and knew it was time to begin his performance. He exited his inner chamber to find Cleitus reclining on his bed, boots and all, on top of the silk cover. He shoved the General's feet to the floor as he walked by, ignoring the lusty look Cleitus shot his way and not realizing that even the boy had stopped playing to look approvingly at him.

"I would appreciate hearing no words from your lips, Cleitus," he warned, his eyebrows knitting into a deep glare. "Are you positive Alexander will be along shortly?"

"Aye. I set the trap with perfection, my dear Hephaistion. I mentioned I would be visiting you tonight and the King is nothing if not predictable, at least when it comes to his jealousy for you."

"I'm trusting that you are right, because I feel utterly ridiculous in this costume, not to mention in the prospect of what I am about to do." Hephaistion hung his head, his fingers adjusting the tight band that constricted around his waist.

"But you look ..."

"No!"

"... stunning, General."

"I will knock you on your ass should you make any more assessments, Cleitus. Now ..." he sighed. " ... let us begin before I change my mind, or rather, come to my senses."

Cleitus motioned for the boy to begin playing again, the beautiful notes filling the air and drifting enticingly down the hall through the open door. The general nodded to Hephaistion then seated himself in the chair closest to the desk, leaning back and crossing his arms.

Hephaistion took a deep breath and closed his eyes, clearing his mind until only the sound of the music filled his brain. He let his arms fall limply to his sides, fingertips caressing the soft fabric pressed to his thighs, body beginning to sway from side to side.

Cleitus sat mesmerized as he watched Hephaistion tip his head back slightly, eyes closed, his hips starting to move to the music. He knew better than to make any noise at all, but he dearly wished he could reveal some of the thoughts in his head at that very moment, lustful as they may have been.

Hephaistion started rotating his hips, the filmy, see-through pants swirling slightly about his body as he clenched and unclenched his bottom, the flat and firm muscles of his stomach seeming to move in one fluid motion while his hips gyrated and his shoulders slowly rolled. His body turned and twisted, muscles fluttering beneath his tanned, taut skin, long hair floating about him as he quickened his pace and suddenly opened his eyes, glancing seductively at Cleitus beneath his lashes.

Cleitus' mouth dropped open as Hephaistion's pelvis suddenly thrust forward and his upper body arched and rolled back up, serpent-like. The younger man felt his body become liquid while he worked his hips in slow grinding circles, one hand coming up to gracefully stroke the air like the head of a snake. His biceps rippled and flexed, abdomen rolling and pulling and stretching, arms moving like waves in the air, and his intense blue eyes never faltering from Cleitus'.

The music seemed to entice and free Hephaistion and all thoughts of humiliation and embarrassment left him, replaced by tranquility and beauty. He felt weightless and breathless as his body moved on its own, finding its own rhythm and taking him further into himself than he had ever imagined. His eyes rolled back in his head, giving in to the sensual vibrations that shot straight to his brain with every ripple and roll of his body.

Cleitus noticed the beads of sweat forming beneath the man's hairline, one escaping and winding its way down his chest, his black eyes never leaving it, his tongue coming out to lick his dry lips. The older general's eyes slitted and he felt his groin stir, as thoughts of licking the sweat from the Hephaistion's body flooded his consciousness, making the real reason he was there become unclear until ...

*****

Alexander couldn't believe he'd missed Hephaistion leaving. He blamed the boy who kept writhing and preening in front of him, and he blamed the wine he'd been forced to drink. Stumbling down the hall to Hephaistion's room, he prepared himself for finding Cleitus in his beloved's room. He was determined to put a stop to the affair this very evening. It was preposterous to think about Hephaistion and Cleitus in Hephaistion's bed, doing the things he definitely did not want to imagine Hephaistion doing with anyone but him.

He could hear the sweet sounds of a flute crawling from one of the rooms he was heading towards. He did love the flute and so did Hephaistion, perhaps he could have one of the flute players in the harem come to his room for a private performance for him and his beloved, after he expelled Cleitus from his lover's arms. As the melodic sounds got closer, he suddenly realized he was almost at Hephaistion's room and if he was not mistaken, his most-loved general's door was partly ajar and the music was spilling out from therein.

Thinking it would give him all the advantage if he caught his two generals in the act of coupling, he crept past the first door which was completely agape and moved the second door slowly open, pushing his nose tight to the frame. He was not prepared for what he saw and quickly shoved the door completely open.

Alexander was stunned at the sight of _his_ boyhood friend, _his_ beloved, _his_ lover dressed in harem pants and nothing else, writhing and gyrating in front of Cleitus. Hephaistion's eyes were intent on the older general, his body only a foot from the man's gaze, his skin shining with sweat, the long strands of his soft hair sticking to his face. He watched as Cleitus reached out his hand and stroked Hephaistion's belly, his fingers running over the tight muscles then continuing on to his thigh.

"Hephaistion! What is the meaning of this?"

The younger man turned when Alexander cried out but did not stop his movements.

"Hephaistion, I insist you stop at once."

"I don't believe you were invited to this private performance," Cleitus spoke up, leaning forward in his chair. "Perhaps the general will honor you with a performance of your own, at a time when he is not already occupied."

"How dare you!" Alexander screamed, crossing the room in three wide paces and pulling on Hephaistion's arm.

"Get off me, Alexander!" Hephaistion hissed, ripping himself from Alexander's grasp and stepping back from the wild-eyed man. "This is my room. I will not have you manhandling me nor yelling at my guest."

"Your guest?" Alexander argued. "Since when is Cleitus considered a guest in your room? What has become of you, Hephaistion? Have you forgotten just who it is you belong to?"

Hephaistion moved so that he was nose to nose with the King, his eyes flaring with an anger he had never felt before. It took all his strength and power to not grab Alexander and choke the life out of him. "You speak of daring? How dare I do something you don't approve of? How dare I enjoy myself with someone besides your Majesty? What about you, my beloved? How dare you barge in here and treat me as mere chattel, as some sort of property you can control and lock away and only release when it suits you?"

Ignoring Hephaistion's words, Alexander turned to Cleitus, who was standing back from the sparring twosome. "This is not your business, General. I order you to return to your own room."

"I believe General Hephaistion wishes me to remain, your Majesty. We have not finished our activities for the evening, and I'm sure that even in our inebriated state you can understand my meaning." Alexander's fist collided with Cleitus' face before the final word escaped his mouth, the general stumbling backwards but righting himself quickly.

"Alexander!" Hephaistion screamed. "You cannot dictate who is permitted in my room nor can you pummel my friends whenever the mood hits you. Leave!"

Alexander stood stunned, his knuckles already throbbing from where his fist had connected with Cleitus' jaw. "Hephaistion, be reasonable ..."

"Out Alexander!"

With one last look of anger and lust, Alexander turned and stormed from the room, leaving a smirking Cleitus and a disheartened Hephaistion in his wake.

"Aye, that went well," Cleitus continued to smirk as he poured himself a cup of wine.

Hephaistion was speechless, he was completely speechless. "Wha ... are you ... are you mad? Were you not just present in this very room for what just happened? Do you not still feel the sting of Alexander's fist on your bruised face?"

"Was worth the pain, was it not?" Cleitus asked just before the cup was swept from his hand and he was shoved back into the wall.

"Did you have to push it so far, Cleitus?" Hephaistion fumed, his half-naked body pressing the general into the wall. "It was not in your mighty _plan_ to touch me in his presence. The intent was to bring him back to me, not have him assaulting you."

Realizing he was behaving no better than his beloved, Hephaistion stepped away from Cleitus, his hands kneading his scalp then tossing the gold headband from his head and across the room. "I've been such a fool. He regards me as mere property now. Did you hear what he said? Did I forget whom I belong to? I am utterly destroyed, Cleitus."

The black-eyed general stepped from the wall and laid a hand on Hephaistion's shoulder only to have it shrugged off as the man lunged away from him. "I need to be alone with my thoughts, Cleitus. My apologies if I was too harsh. Please excuse me and allow me some time to be alone."

"Are you sure? I know your taking of me was a one-time agreement but if you require physical comfort, I would be willing to sacrifice myself to you again." Hephaistion turned abruptly, barely controlling his emotions and instinct to assault the general with his fist, at least until he saw the smirk on Cleitus' face.

"You'll surely be the death of me, Cleitus," he whispered, looking into the soft eyes of his friend. "But I do appreciate your control and humor in this situation."

"I believe things will work themselves out now, Hephaistion," Cleitus replied, his voice soft and concerned. "Are you positive you don't wish me to stay? I promise not to touch those seductive pants of yours or any body part beneath."

"Good night, Cleitus," Hephaistion smiled. "If I require anyone to _take_ this evening, I shall turn up at your door, my friend."

Cleitus reached a hand out and squeezed Hephaistion's bicep. "Get some rest, Phai, you definitely deserve it after that performance. You can surely out-dance any of those boys that Alexander is so smitten with."

Once alone, Hephaistion threw himself to his bed, lying flat on his back looking up at the ornate ceiling. The point had not been to out-dance Alexander's _boys_, that was not the intention at all and if that was all his performance had brought about, then it had been a wasted effort on his part, had it not?

The only thing Hephaistion was sure of was that things had gone sorely wrong, utterly and completely, without a doubt ... wrong. He closed his eyes and let the tears that were begging to flow freely. He was feeling angry and humiliated and vulnerable and uncomfortable and destroyed all at the same time. His worst nightmares had been realized, his worst thoughts about what could have gone wrong, brought to life.

He considered getting up and taking off the constricting pants but found he did not have the energy to accomplish even that one simple task. He was exhausted both physically and emotionally; his body and mind feeling wrung out like a dirty old rag that had seen better days. His mind ached, his heart ached, and his body ached. Was there anything else that could make this day even worse? As if reading his thoughts, a knock sounded loudly on his door. "Go away Cleitus!" Hephaistion called out, sure it was the general back to check on his sanity. "I'm fine. I shall meet with you in the morning."

As the knocking continued, and Hephaistion regretted giving his page the night to himself, he rose up from his bed, faster and with more energy than he thought possible, and threw open the door. He was shoved backwards as wine-flavored lips crushed his and his body was roughly grabbed.

"Alexander!" he gasped, as the King's hands groped and fondled, his lips biting and sucking at Hephaistion's face and neck.

"I saw Cleitus leave," Alexander panted against the General's skin. "And I know he'll not be back. I'd hoped you'd give me my private performance now. My thoughts could not survive another minute until I saw you again in your costume."

"No!" Hephaistion screamed, shoving the King as hard as he could and watching as the man felt to the floor, the smirk of lust never leaving his face. "I will not be your whore, Alexander! I will not! You need to leave ... now ... my King."

"I shan't be going anywhere, General," Alexander growled, as wine-soaked drool escaped from one corner of his mouth. "I know what you've been up to with your scheming and games, you've no interest in Cleitus, he was merely a pawn in your plot."

"Cleitus is my friend, Alexander."

Alexander rose to his full height, pushing his shoulders back and holding his head high. "I may be a drunk and a man of deplorable character at this very moment but one thing I do know is that you have been with no other - neither man, woman or boy. I am your only, Hephaistion, and I always shall be."

Hephaistion suddenly felt all the blood in his body rush to his head, his ears throbbed and all he saw before him was redness. He threw his body at Alexander, crushing him to the floor beneath him, and flipping him to his stomach. With his chest pressed tightly against the King's back, he reached a hand down and tore at Alexander's Persian pants, managing to pull them down far enough that his ass was completely exposed.

"You were right with that statement up until a few days ago, my beloved," Hephaistion seethed against Alexander's neck. "But the truth is not as it once was, for I have learned many things from Cleitus. Would you like to know what he's taught me?" His hand worked at the waistband of his own pants, stretching it to free himself from the confinement of the material as his lover squirmed beneath him.

"This is a side of you I've not seen before, Phai, a side I just may find seductively exciting and lustfully bold."

Having freed his cock from the confines of his ridiculous pants, Hephaistion rubbed it against Alexander's crack. "I'm not sure you will find it so appealing when I show you what Cleitus' instructions were." He felt himself harden against Alexander's sweaty skin, his cock aching to be inside the man beneath him.

"Do you not need me to lift my hips, Hephaistion, if you wish to mount me properly? I never realized you desired to make love to me or I surely would have given you the chance."

"Given me the chance?" Hephaistion growled, grinding himself against Alexander's now-arching hips. "You've never even given me that opportunity. I believe you even told me once that _Kings do not get mounted, they are always the ones doing the mounting_."

Alexander chuckled drunkenly beneath Hephaistion's hard body. "Did I say that? Well, perhaps you never tried hard enough, Phai. Or perhaps you weren't meant to be the imounter/i. I've not minded being mounted, though it's only been twice that I have allowed myself to be taken."

Hephaistion's mouth dropped open, the movements of his hips and cock ceasing while his head whirled in shock. "You have allowed yourself to be breached?" Hephaistion jumped from the floor, his cock softening almost instantly. "You allowed one of your nameless, faceless boys to take you when you've never allowed me?"

"I'm allowing you now," Alexander replied, turning onto his back and shoving his pants farther down his legs so his hard member was exposed. "I can see it in your eyes, Phai. You want to be inside me and if that's what it takes for you to return to yourself, then I will allow it."

Tucking himself back into the tight pants, Hephaistion shook his head in disbelief. "I need you to go, Alexander," he said softly, turning from the man and heading for the still-open door. "If you have one drop of respect and love left for me, you'll go."

The smirk finally falling from his face, Alexander lifted himself from the floor and pulled his pants back around his waist. "I've not meant to upset you further, Hephaistion or make you feel less a man ..."

"Go, Alexander. I beg you, just go."


	5. Chapter 5

The desolate feeling that had reached into his body and clutched at his very soul stayed with Hephaistion for more than three days. He saw no one in those days, except his page and only until he finally dismissed the boy. He ignored his duties; he ate only when his body spasmed with hunger; and he lay wasted, angry, and grief-stricken in his bed most of the time. He had let some of his pain and confusion flow out onto the scrolls residing on his desk, but even walking the few steps to commit his words to paper seemed far and tiring.

Cleitus had been by many times, the man not one to give up easily, but Hephaistion had not allowed him in. He'd ranted and raved a little, most likely scaring the poor page to death, but Hephaistion had not given in, and eventually the black-eyed general had given up. Ptolemy had visited as well, and a number of other men that the long-haired general considered friends, but he chose to see no one, especially after talk of the incident had made its way around the palace. Even the King had sat outside his locked door for several hours the day after he had emotionally crushed his lover, but Hephaistion had simply pulled the covers over his head like a stubborn child, and ignored Alexander's babblings. He was grateful that at least his beloved had not forced his way in, or ordered his guards to haul him from his room.

Listening to himself call Alexander "his beloved" in his thoughts confused Hephaistion even further. How could he still consider this man, who had so ruthlessly torn out his heart, his love? How could he still love the man so strongly, so completely, so painfully?

He couldn't bear to see anyone, let alone face the few friends he actually had. The decision that ran through his mind, the decision of which he was still not completely sure, made him want to crawl inside himself and disappear. A change was coming in his life, and he so wanted to look forward to that change; but until it finally happened, he couldn't even count on it making his pain lessen.

*****

"Cleitus!" Alexander called out, as he spotted the general sitting comfortably by himself, his back against a tree. "I've been looking for you."

"And why would that be, Alexander?" Cleitus smirked, taking a bite of the apple in his hand. "I've merely taken a small break from my duties to soothe my hunger pains."

"Yes, of course. I mean no ill will, Cleitus. Might I sit with you?"

Cleitus motioned his arm out and continued his chewing. "It is your kingdom, is it not? But I've not seen Hephaistion in a few days, if that's what you're wondering."

"I was not looking for Hephaistion ..."

"Aye, I'm positive you know where he is at all times, anyhow."

Alexander scowled as he continued. "But I _was_ looking for you to ask you why he appears to be in such a mood lately."

Cleitus turned his head sharply and stared at the brown eyes looking back. "A mood? You believe him to be in a mood?" Alexander nodded. "And why might that be, Alexander? Because he is not sitting patiently at your feet for his next morsel of attention?"

"Cleitus. I am asking you a serious question. It worries me that he seems so ... unhappy as of late."

"And I was giving you a serious answer. Could it be that your boyhood love is simply not waiting for you any longer? That would make him appear unhappy to you perhaps, but is it not entirely possible that he is merely coming to his own conclusions about his status?"

"What status? He is of the highest rank, so why would that be on his mind at all? I swear by the gods, you are not making any sense, Cleitus."

"You resemble your father more and more as you get older, Alexander," Cleitus said softly, looking down at the half-eaten apple in his hands.

"I look nothing like Phillip ..."

"Aye, not your looks, but your soul. Your soul and your heart resemble him in ways I do not wish to disclose, for fear you will have me punished harshly for speaking my mind."

"I do not believe you have ever been fearful of speaking your mind before, Cleitus. And what do my heart and soul have to do with anything of which we were speaking?"

"You're becoming hard, my King. Hard in ways that perhaps all kings become, but hard nonetheless, and in ways that I thought you would never become. You believe Hephaistion to be unhappy, but is it not true that you, too, are unhappy within yourself, Alexander? Do you not yearn for something that is not being fulfilled, and are you not using other ways to stifle that yearning within yourself?"

"I know not of what you speak. I am a king and kings do what they must, they rule. There is no time for reflection in my life, Cleitus, and if you think you know what yearns inside of me, then you would be sadly mistaken. I have taken this army farther than my father ever dreamed of, and there are no similarities in our lives other than the role of king."

"Does a king not have feelings like any other man, Alexander? And 'tis a serious question to which I do not know the answer. Might you enlighten me to the thoughts and feelings of being a king?"

"Don't be ridiculous, Cleitus. Of course, I have the same feelings as any other man, but I am not allowed to indulge myself in my ifeelings/i as any other man may."

"And why is that? Does it enable you to be more powerful, more majestic perhaps, or is it merely an excuse to not have to deal with things that inormal/i men are forced to deal with, such as matters of love?"

"I've not heard you speak this way before, Cleitus. Do you perhaps have some ill will towards kings in general? I know of your relationship with my father. I have always guessed what your true feelings were, and though I know he never treated you as you deserved, you never left him."

"Aye, but Hephaistion is not me, nor would I ever wish him to go through what I have in my dealings with your father, Alexander. Phillip was not the most humane man, but I've always trusted that you would not treat Hephaistion that way."

"I do love him with all my heart, Cleitus, that's always been plain to see. But perhaps I do not know how to love him in the way he wants, the way he expects."

"I don't believe he expects any more than any other man, Alexander. He is truly a loving and caring human being, and he has given you everything you've ever wanted from him, has he not?"

"Yes, and I thought I had given him everything, too. But with his recent unrest, I wonder if I can give him what he needs anymore. Can I not simply love him to make him happy? Or must I change things about myself to keep him beside me? Things that may end up making me appear weak and as a less of a leader. Must I lose a part of myself in order to make Hephaistion happy?"

"If you lose him, you lose part of yourself anyhow, you realize that much, do you not? And if he does choose to leave you, will your mighty army fill that hole in your heart, Alexander? You cannot have it both ways, lad. As of late, you don't appear to be giving him anything of yourself at all, least of all your love. You've squashed your feelings for him and tossed him aside, making him feel insignificant and unwanted, but at the same time you can't stand the thought of losing him to someone else. Hephaistion is a vibrant and brilliant, and yes, beautiful man, with a great deal of love to give to the right person, if you can't be that person then you must let him find someone who can."

"Like you Cleitus."

Cleitus snorted at the single-mindedness of the younger man. "No. I do love the boy but 'tis not to be, and I do not wish to saddle him with an old man, anyhow. Look deep into your heart and think of others besides yourself Alexander, think of Hephaistion for a change."

*****

"Alexander?"

"Hephaistion?" Alexander said, turning and looking at the man who had been hidden away for days. "I've been worried about you, love." He stepped forward to take his lover in his arms, but was quickly sidestepped.

"I'm sorry I worried you. It was unfair of me to not send word that I was well." The general hung his head as a nervous fire burned in his gut, and it took everything he had to keep himself from faltering from the task at hand. "I'm glad you're here. I wish to speak to you if I might, my King."

"My King? Are you still angry with me, Phai? I do not remember a great deal of what transpired on our last night together, but I know I owe you an apology, and I hope you will accept it, because it surely comes straight from my heart."

"I appreciate that, Alexander," Hephaistion said, stepping further into the room and leaning himself against the wall, not trusting his legs to hold him upright. He looked down his body to see if his knees were physically shaking, but saw no evidence of the feeling he had inside. "Might we talk frankly?"

"Of course," Alexander replied. "Would you like to sit down?"

Hephaistion shook his head, his eyes making contact with Alexander's for the first time in days. "No. I'm fine, but please, sit yourself."

Alexander shuffled a chair closer to the general, then sat leaning forward, giving his full attention to his beloved. "I've not had a cup of wine since I last saw you, Phai," the King said proudly, his eyes searching Hephaistion's for some hint of what was on the man's mind. "Not that I expect you to accept my apology based on all the wine I had drunk but ..."

"I already accepted your apology. That's not what I need to speak to you about." Alexander nodded, but was finally quiet, so Hephaistion continued, "I love you, Alexander."

"Yes, and I, you, and I've missed you."

"I've missed you as well, but I refuse to accept the main responsibility for our estrangement. I have been with you since I was a boy, and I have never faltered in my love for you, in my devotion for you, in my loyalty to you."

Alexander smiled at the beautiful words, his heart soaring and his mind whirling with want and love and happiness. "And I, you."

Hephaistion pushed himself away from the wall, his head shaking**,** his hands flying up into the air. "How can you say that and still keep the love in your eyes? How can you lie to me, and still maintain that you love me, and are loyal only to me?"

"I'm sorry if you think my feelings are not true ..."

"Enough Alexander! Enough!" the general suddenly shouted. "I have had enough of your apologies, enough of your lies and enough of your deception towards me. I wish to be in peace and I implore you to give me that peace."

"I don't understand, Phai. You want me to give you peace? Do you need some time off? Perhaps some time away for just the two of us? Surely you know you are the only one in my heart ..."

"Words, Alexander. Those are mere words and I am tired to death of hearing them, and believing them, and living for them. I have spent my entire life with only you in my heart, with only you in my soul, with only you in my bed. But you have turned all that love I have for you, and all that loyalty I've given you, and all that pride I once had, into something tawdry and inconsequential."

"I still don't understand. Is this because I allowed someone to take me, Phai? Because I am most regretful about that, and especially the way in which I informed you. I was much too far into my cups ..."

"When Alexander? When were you too far into your cups? When you let a mere slave boy breach you, more than once, or was it more than one boy? Or perhaps you speak of how drunk you were when you burst into my room and threw yourself at me?"

"Hephaistion ..."

"No. None of that matters now. That is not why I'm here. I'm here because I am utterly and devastatingly ashamed, Alexander. I am ashamed that I allowed myself to stoop to your level, to become as unsavory and uncaring of others as you have become." Hephaistion stopped his pacing and leaned back against the wall again. "I sank to a level to which I never imagined myself falling. I used a friend, a very good friend, in a very wrong way."

"Are you talking about Cleitus?"

"Yes, I am. He is my friend, and before you push the question at me again, we did spend a night together in each other's arms. One night of comfort with no claims of love or yearning, just simple coupling between two men who needed to feel something other than loneliness."

"But I'm sure enjoying the pleasures of your flesh was ample compensation. I do know that myself."

"You truly do not understand, do you? For an intelligent man, you are most obtuse, my King. We slept together ibefore/i I sullied myself in that ridiculous harem costume, and I assure we have not even seen each other since."

"I saw the way he was touching you, and looking at you, Hephaistion. That was not a man that was satisfied with only one night in your arms. He was doing everything but salivating on your cock."

"You infuriate me, Alexander! I have never met a man who could tie me up in knots like you can. There is no one I adore more, nor anyone who angers me more."

"Then you do still love me, Phai?"

"I already assured you of that. I will always love you. You have truly been the beat of my heart, the breath in my lungs, and the very reason I get up each day, despite everything you've made me suffer through, and the unbelievable hurt you have inflicted on my heart and my soul. You're everything I care for, but I must be selfish and let you go."

"Let me go?"

"Yes. I need to let you go and I must ask you to let me go, as well."

"Let you go?" Alexander repeated again. "I apologize again, but I honestly do not understand what you are asking of me. Is it truly what I have feared, that you do not wish to be my beloved anymore?"

"Wishes have nothing to do with it, Alexander. If they did, I would have long since stowed the two of us away from the rest of the world and been eternally happy to have you all to myself."

"But what would be the point of ... unloving me, Phai? Would we not both suffer then? Would we not feel an important part of us was missing?"

"I already feel that way."

"Is it the boys or the drink? Or perhaps, the fact that one day I will be expected to take a wife?"

"It is all that and none of that, Alexander. You are King, and a fine king at that, and I am proud every single day of how far you have come, and how fine a friend you are to me. But as your lover, I suffer because of your kingship. I suffer from loneliness and ridicule and a desire for you that will never be fulfilled. A desire so strong it pains me physically and torments my mind."

"I love you, Hephaistion. That's not changed, nor will it ever change."

"I know you do and I do not question that love, but it is not enough for me anymore. It is not enough to warm my bed, nor to occupy my thoughts. It is not enough to take the pain from my chest, nor the ache from my soul. I need you to let me go, Alexander. I need you to turn away from the selfish man you have become, and free me from yourself and from the army."

"From the army?" Alexander's eyes widened and he jumped from this chair. "Surely you don't mean ..."

"Yes, I do mean exactly what I've said. I cannot be your general anymore. I cannot be part of your cavalry. In order that I move on with my life and regain some aspects of myself, I must remove myself from you completely."

"The boys don't matter to me, Hephaistion. I can do away with the boys and I know I indulge in too much wine ..."

"It's not about any of that, my love. It's about me, and giving myself the consideration and respect that I deserve. You owe me that much, Alexander. You owe me the dignity to leave on my own."

"But this is your home. How can you leave everything you love? How can you leave everything behind?"

"You are the only thing I love about this place, Alexander. You are the only thing in this whole army that I have ever truly loved and wanted. I became a part of all this because of you, because of my love for you, because I was willing to give you my whole life. But I cannot do it anymore. You have to try and understand. The uncertainty and loneliness and want of something that I will never have, is killing me. I need to rediscover who I am or who I could have been."

"Where do you mean to go?"

"Home. I shall go home. My parents are gone but their estate still remains intact with a caretaker in charge. It is the only place I have ever truly been happy without you, Alexander. And Aristotle has given me many tools, and much encouragement over the years. Perhaps I can be a teacher, as I used to dream. I always enjoyed the intricacies of learning and I believe I could be of good use in that way."

"Yes, I do agree. Will you then also marry?"

"You know there has never been anyone else in my heart besides you, let alone a woman. Perhaps one day I might seek a companion, but I don't believe that person has much chance of being a woman."

"I want to be that companion, Phai."

"That's very kind and very sweet and it warms my heart, Alexander, and perhaps in another time and another place it might have been possible, but we both know it is not possible now. You are fulfilling your destiny. You are King, Alexander, and one day you will rule over all that you see and I will be prouder still for that to happen. Your father looks down on you and smiles, he smiles at the man you've become, and the man you still shall become."

"I have become my father's true son, have I not? I've run off the only person that truly loves me for me, just as he did."

"Cleitus holds no ill feelings towards your father. He understood and accepted the fallacies of Philip far better than anyone else and even more so than I have accepted yours."

"And what if I was to choose you over being King? Would you take me back?"

Hephaistion laughed out loud for the first time in days. "You have no choice in that, my love. You are King. That is not a choice but rather a requirement and your birthright, and you would be happy with no other life."

"You make me sound as if I am a mere puppet with the title of King. Answer the question, Phai. Would you take me back if I were to toss my throne aside and choose you for my life instead?"

"I would welcome you with open arms, and allow you to remain in those arms until you could stand it no more and came running back to your throne."

"That does not show a lot of faith in me."

"Perhaps that is one of the things that has indeed faltered in our relationship; faith. The question is neither here nor there. I am not asking you to give up your throne, nor am I asking you to choose between your kingdom and me. You could say I am making that choice for you."

"And if I do not allow you to leave, either me or the army?"

"I will leave without your blessing then. My mind is made up, Alexander, and if you force me to disobey you, I shall."

"And if I bring you back?"

"I shall leave again and again and again. Please do not think I have made this decision without thought. I have toiled and worried and fretted for more time than I even realized over this. And if you have any respect for me, you'll not make my last decision in this army be one that is against you."

"Are you giving me time to consider, Hephaistion?"

"You may consider all you want, but I shall be leaving in a few days, and unfortunately, it will be with or without your approval."

*****

Alexander sat quietly in his room, ignoring the scrolls and maps cluttering his desk and the endless stream of requests for his time. He merely told everyone to leave him be and instructed that if they didn't, there would be dire consequences.

His heart was aching and his body with it. He had never felt such physical pain coming from an internal source before, and it both baffled and terrified him. Life without Hephaistion? How was that even a thought that he could plant in his mind, let alone an event that was surely going to happen? Had he really pushed the only person he had ever truly loved out of his life for good? In becoming what everyone else thought he should be, had he thrown away the only part of him that was good and true and honest?

A hand on his shoulder made him jump slightly. Cleitus stood over him, a grim look on his face as he sat in the chair beside the King. "I believe I announced myself but you were too deep within yourself to hear me."

"And my page?" the King asked angrily, looking up into the black eyes.

"I seem to have a way of ... convincing pages to allow me entrance to wherever I want to go," Cleitus chuckled softly.

Alexander lowered his head, all the anger draining from his body and becoming despairing sadness. "He means to leave me, Cleitus, and the army that has been his home for the better part of his life. I do not understand his quest. I do not understand how he can simply pack up his things and go."

"You've pushed him towards this, Alexander. You and your wine and your boys. How is a proud man to stay when he has become the brunt of all the jokes in camp, when the man he has trusted with his life, the man he gave up his life for, has turned his back on him and his needs and dreams?"

"Why do you know so much about Hephaistion's needs and dreams when I myself am so unclear?"

"All you have to do is listen to him to know how confused he is inside, and how much this decision of his is breaking his heart, almost as much as you did."

"But it seems so effortless on his part to just abandon me. You never did what Hephaistion is planning. You never abandoned Phillip for yourself."

"No, but there are many times I wish I would have. I envy Hephaistion for his strength, Alexander. I envy his conviction not to be your lap dog, not to moon after you for the rest of his days. He is by far the stronger man."

"But can I not just fix what is broken between us? If things are as bad as they appear for him, can I not just make them better since there seems no way I can make them worse?"

"You cannot make them worse unless you don't allow him to make this decision and carry it out."

"But he can't leave me. He can't just make me live without him, how will I bear that?"

"You are a king, Alexander. You, yourself, know there are sacrifices to be made, and it is time you made one of your own."

*****

"Well, to what do I owe this honor of having the mighty General Hephaistion visit me when he is rumored to be in seclusion?" Cleitus teased as he watched Hephaistion walk into his room.

Hephaistion grinned and seated himself across from Cleitus, his eyes warm but sad as he looked at his friend. "I've come to say my farewells, General."

"Aye, I figured as much," Cleitus replied, sitting back in his chair and bringing a cup of wine to his lips. "Drink?"

"No, thank you. I must apologize for not seeing you all the times you came bellowing at my door."

"You are lucky I didn't break the door down in my frustration. And, that Alexander did not, as well."

"He did not. That is a change isn't it?" Hephaistion said, his eyes squinting in thought but for only a moment. "I will miss you Cleitus. I've become quite accustomed to your company."

"You'll miss mounting me, will ya?"

Hephaistion burst into laughter, joined shortly thereafter by the older general. "No, 'tis your wit I believe I will miss, my friend, though mounting you is a very nice memory."

"General Hephaistion!" Cleitus hissed. "Such words from your mouth. I believe you have been spending too much time with the likes of me."

"You'll always be welcome at my door, Cleitus," Hephaistion said, his voice turning low and serious. "Should you ever need to leave the life you have chosen, I will always have room for you."

Cleitus smiled adoringly at the longhaired man, his heart beating frantically as it slowly began to break. "So you are leaving then?"

"Yes."

"Has he been to see you yet?"

"No, but that is his choice. He neither understands nor chooses to understand, Cleitus. I will miss him with all my heart, but I believe I have to do what's right for myself now."

"I agree, but I think he understands more than he lets on. In Alexander's mind, if he chooses to not accept the reality**,** then the reality will not be true."

"He has always seen things in his own way, has he not?"

"Aye, that he has. I appreciate the offer of being your kept man, Hephaistion," Cleitus teased. "But I've been an army man all my life, and I believe I will surely die with my boots on."

"I wish you well, Cleitus, and I wish you joy and happiness," Hephaistion whispered, rising from his chair as the black-eyed general did the same. "I hope you find someone to make you truly happy."

As the two men embraced, arms holding each other tight, bodies still and silent, Hephaistion's thoughts turned to Alexander. Could he say goodbye to his beloved as he was to Cleitus? Where would he find the strength to walk away from his life and his love?

"So your wish for me is to find someone to mount or perhaps to mount me?" Cleitus said, tearing Hephaistion from his thoughts. "Are you sure you wouldn't like to leave me with a gift before you go, Phai?"

Hephaistion clutched the man tighter to him. "You are a disgusting, dirty old man, Cleitus, and you'll have a special place in my heart for the rest of my days."

*****

"Hephaistion?" The general turned abruptly, dropping the brush he had been using on his hair. "I'm sorry, your page was not outside to announce me."

The general smiled warmly at Alexander. "I've dismissed him since I have no need of him any longer. Please reassign him well, he's been a wonderful help to me."

"I shall," Alexander agreed, stepping further into the room. "I've come to see if perhaps you've changed your mind about leaving."

"No. My intention is to go at daybreak." Hephaistion rose from his chair, trying to busy himself with the last few things that sat on his desk. "Is that the only reason you've come?"

The King licked his dry lips, the dryness seeping into his throat as he tried to speak. "I came to ... to say that ... even though I still do not fully understand your reasoning, I am setting you free, my love. I'm not sure I can give you my blessing but I assure you, you can go without any consequences."

Hephaistion stopped his puttering, his arms falling limply to his sides, heart suddenly pounding in his ears. He turned and looked at Alexander, thinking he had never seen his friend looking more uncomfortable than at that very moment. "Thank you, Alexander," he whispered, holding himself back from falling into his lover's arms. "Thank you."

Alexander cleared his throat and rubbed his nose a few times, his eyes looking everywhere but at the intense blue ones staring at him.

"Do you require anything before you go?" he asked softly.

"No. I have everything I need," Hephaistion returned sadly. He'd gotten what he had asked his King for, so why was he suddenly overcome with sadness and doubt? Why did he suddenly want to take it all back and just be with the man before him forever?

"I wish to ask a favor, Phai." Alexander finally looked up into his beloved's eyes, his heart bursting as he saw the love that was still there. "I would like to send a guard with you for your journey and to stay for a short while."

"Why? I'll not be part of the army any longer so I should not need protection." Hephaistion tilted his head, his eyes never leaving the brown ones attached to his. Could he really pull himself from their gaze ... forever?

Alexander sighed and inched forward, just a little, longing to take Hephaistion in his arms, but talking himself out of it at every turn. "But no one knows that, Phai. No one except us, and the army eventually. You are one of my highest generals and for that you are well-known, whether that fact appeals to you or now."

"I never said I was not proud to be your general, Alexander. I merely said I needed to find out if there was another man that I should have beome, that I might have become if I had not ..."

"Followed me and my dreams?"

Sucking his bottom lip between his teeth, the general nodded his head and turned away from Alexander. "I do understand what you are saying, though, and I'll agree to take a man with me, but only for a short while."

"Thank you." Alexander fell silent, his eyes that only moments before could not look at Hephaistion, now could not remove themselves from the man. Even though he knew his beloved was busying himself with unnecessary things in order to avoid his gaze, he just kept staring stupidly.

Hephaistion suddenly cleared his throat, making Alexander realize that he was now turned towards him and the King's intense gaze was obviously making him uncomfortable. "Was there something else you wished to say, Alexander?"

"Can I see you off in the morning?" the King asked softy, his head dipping to look at his clenched hands.

"I think it's best if we say goodbye tonight," Hephaistion whispered back, shuffling his feet and fearing his legs would collapse beneath him. Had he expected it to be easy to make his final farewells to the only person he had truly loved with all his heart; still loved with all his heart? His only goal for that moment was to be strong and not give in to the physical, mental and emotional urges that were rocking his body. He wanted one last night with his beloved, one last farewell to the love that once was, but he knew his will would falter and he would not have the strength to leave then.

Alexander nodded, his head saying yes but his heart clearly saying no. "Is this for good, Hephaistion?" he asked, lifting his head to the misty blue eyes before him. "If you don't feel it is the right place to be, will you come back to me ... to the army, I mean?"

The general smiled warmly, his eyes seeing Alexander in a way he had truly not seen him for quite some time. "I know I always have a place here should I choose to return, but I do not see that happening. I have it in my mind that change will turn me around for the better, Alexander, and I think it is time for that change to take me."

"May I hug you, Hephaistion?"

Hephaistion closed his eyes for a moment, his head spinning with confusion and unrest. "I think if you do, I won't be able to leave you."

"Alright, I understand. Please remember that I love you, Phai ... and I always will." Alexander smiled sadly then turned his back on Hephaistion and walked to the door. "Pleasant journeys, my love."

Hephaistion stood for exactly twenty seconds, watching his beloved walk out the door for the very last time. His thoughts still whirled and swam 'round his head, but his heart spoke louder than his mind and he gave in to what his body needed.

"Stay with me tonight, Alexander," he whispered, stopping the King dead in his tracks. "Stay with me and hold me but only as we did in our youth. I don't want the added burden of making love with you but I do need you to hold me on my last night here."

Turning slowly, Alexander swiped at the tears that had begun to spill from his eyes, his heart heavy but soaring at the same time. "I would truly like that."

Silently the two men undressed, eyes never leaving the other, then crawled between the silky sheets of the big bed. They each turned to their sides, eyes meeting but not touching until Hephaistion took Alexander's hand and entwined it with his. The King slid his body closer to his lover's, his free arm winding its way under the man's shoulders as Hephaistion moved his head to Alexander's broad chest and wrapped an arm around his belly.

They lay in silence, bodies pressed tightly together, hearts beating fiercely and as one. "I'm sorry, Hephaistion."

"I know," the tearful general whispered back. "I do love you, Alexander, and will for all my life."

"And I, you."


	6. Chapter 6 King's Journey

-PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THIS CHAPTER IS EVEN MORE AU THAN THE OTHERS-

Hephaistion wiped the glistening sweat from his brow, leaving a trail of dirt when he removed his hand. It was hot. He couldn't remember it being so hot when he was young, but then again he hadn't been home for more years than he cared to count. He patted the rump of the horse he had been shoeing and directed it back into the barn. The horse was big and brawny and black and reminded him of Bucephalus, Alexander's beloved mount. It was times like these that were hardest on him. He loved being home and out in the sun and being on his own**,** but when memories came rushing back out of the blue, it was like leaving all over again.

Sneaking out of Alexander's arms on that fateful morning had been the most difficult thing Hephaistion had ever done. He'd kissed his beloved gently on the forehead, brushed a golden strand from his face**,** then bid him a silent farewell. The soldier he'd been assigned had been good company during the long journey and Hephaistion had to admit he'd been happy for the consistent babbling that the man did. But when the quiet moments ensued, his mind had immediately filled with an uncertain confusion that made him almost head back to Babylon, at least twice. He had persevered though, using some of the advice and philosophies that Aristotle had blessed him with over the years.

But now, six months later, the memories and thoughts of Alexander still grieved him and made him pause. He never faltered in believing his decision had been the best one for him, but even his firm belief could not erase how much he missed his lover's face and smell and voice and touch. There were some nights that his body yearned for Alexander in such a way that the only relief he could muster was that of his own hand on his member and his beloved in his mind and on his tongue as he found release. He had had many offers of company since he'd been home, both men and women alike, but he wasn't ready to share his bed, let alone share his heart, with anyone else.

Closing the barn door, he stretched his arms over his head, loosening a few knots in his shoulders that had been plaguing him for a while. Hephaistion knew it was to be on of those memory-inflicted days as he recalled how Alexander always had the most wonderful hands for working out kinks and soreness. On these days he reminded himself that over the last couple of years with his beloved, the King had not had time for such dalliances as rubbing the former general's back and some days Hephaistion was able to actually convince himself the both of them were better off apart.

The sun was still high in the sky but Hephaistion had been up well before dawn, working with the horses and getting all his chores around the place out of the way. The caretaker still came in every couple of days to lend a hand, but Hephaistion had almost all but dismissed him. The man was well over the age of sixty and had worked for Hephaistion's family since he was a boy, but it was time he was able to enjoy the remaining years of his life. And even though Hephaistion had hired a young man to help around the farm, he still let the older caretaker come in merely as a favor to the man**,** who still wanted to feel useful. He wasn't sure how long he would be allowing the favor to go on though**,** due to the fact that the man had started bringing his granddaughter with him. It wasn't that Hephaistion didn't appreciate the female company, but rather that the young woman wanted to be a little too friendly with the former general and he was getting tired of fending her off. For some reason the days she appeared were harder nights for Hephaistion as well, as her advances turned his mind and the needs of his body to Alexander.

After a brisk ten-minute walk to the house, he kicked off his boots and threw his body down onto the couch. He was tired**,** and since he was now his own boss, he thought he might indulge in a quick nap before making himself something to eat and resuming his day. As he closed his eyes, visions of Alexander danced about his head, filling his heart with the remorse and pain that had not lessened in six months, but that he merely was able to hold at bay for most of the time. Indulging in a nap and in thoughts of his beloved would either make him ready to continue the work he had to do or make him useless to do so. He wasn't sure which path his mind would take today but he gave in to the sleepiness anyhow.

"I see you've put aside all your soldier teachings," a voice in Hephaistion's head whispered. "I'd have not been able to sneak up on you when you were my general."

Blinking his eyes open, Hephaistion bounded from the couch when he realized the voice was real and not merely in his head. "Alexander!"

The King stood grinning at him, a hand reaching out to steady his beloved's arm as he whirled up from his recumbent position. "What are you ... how did you ... oh gods!" Hephaistion grabbed his lover in a passionate hug, arms wrapping around him tightly, head tucked securely in the man's sweaty neck.

"Hephaistion, oh**,** how I've missed you," Alexander murmured**,** as he raked his fingers through the knots of Hephaistion long hair. "You even smell good to me in your present state."

The former general loosened his grip just enough so he could look into the man's eyes, needing proof that he was not dreaming. "I can't believe you're here. And truth be told, you don't smell any better than I."

Alexander grinned and brought his head closer to Hephaistion's, foreheads touching and lips reaching for each other. The longhaired man moaned into the contact but quickly pulled away and stepped back from the man.

"You must be tired from your travels, can I get you something to drink perhaps; water, fruit juice. It's a little early for wine but I do have some."

"Water would be lovely," the King replied, smiling warmly at Hephaistion and trying to connect with the blue eyes that were avoiding his gaze.

Hephaistion stepped past Alexander and retrieved a cup of water**;** handing it to him, their fingers brushed together, the light contact running through them both like the spark of a flame. "You must tell me all the news. What's happened since I left?"

"There will be ample time for that later. I just want to look at you for a moment, my love. Oh, how I've missed just looking at you." Alexander's eyes were bright with tears as he set the cup on the table and took Hephaistion's hand. "You look well, more than well actually. You truly have a glow about you that I've not seen for years. And this place is spectacular, Phai. You've done a wonderful job with it. Your father would have been proud."

Feeling his own eyes tearing up and deciding to do everything in his power not to allow that to happen, Hephaistion pulled his hand from Alexander's and walked towards the door. "Do you not have men with you who need some drinks as well, Alexander? Should we not go and offer them some?"

"I have but one man with me**,** and last I saw him he was heading over to that grand old tree by the barn for a rest."

Hephaistion nodded then knitted his eyebrows in a frown. "How inconsiderate of me, I said you must be tired but I have not yet offered you a place to lie down," Hephaistion scolded himself. He took pause in the fact that Alexander had only one guard with him but was sure the man would explain in his own time. "Let me help you bring your things in and I'll show you to your room."

"That can wait, Phai." Alexander could sense Hephaistion's discomfort, his actions reminding the King of a cornered rabbit and though he didn't completely understand it, he wished not to add to any more discomfort. "I've been sitting on a horse for far too many days, how about you show me around so I can stretch my legs?"

Hephaistion nodded and opened the door, motioning Alexander to go ahead of him. The King was immediately attacked by a rather large hairy beast, his body pushed back into Hephaistion who saved him from falling on his backside. "Gods!" Alexander cried out. "Well**,** hello there. What a great beast of an animal you are."

"Xan! Down boy!"

"No. He's absolutely lovely, Phai. And he appears to not be fully grown. He'll be as big as one of your horses soon."

"He was a stray that wandered into the barn and I hadn't the heart to turn him away, being that I also am a bit of a stray myself now." Hephaistion petted the big head, scratching behind his ears and grinning stupidly at the mutt, while his insides churned with the question he knew was coming.

"Xan?" Alexander asked as the realization suddenly struck him.

"Yes," Hephaistion blushed, concentrating his full attention on the wiggling, drooling mutt to avoid Alexander's eyes. "Shall we proceed?"

Alexander nodded, understanding the look in Hephaistion's eyes and putting away the questions he had for a later time. "You have apple trees as well as horses?

"Yes, and a few chickens. I haven't a need to go into town for rations too often**,** with the woods being plentiful with rabbits and other animals**,** and the man in the next farm always has vegetables for me, as well. Are you hungry, Alexander? I can fix a meal if you are**.**"

"Stop fussing, Phai," Alexander said, placing a hand on the man's shoulder briefly but pulling it away. "Show me your lovely ... home. That's why I'm here."

The two men spent the next hour or so, winding their way around the sprawling land that had been in Hephaistion's family for generations. They talked sporadically and not about anything of importance, only small conversations of horses and nature and such. They both sensed in the other a hesitation to speak of anything close to the heart**,** and though Alexander could tell that the former general was avoiding any physical contact, he could not help himself from touching the man innocently a few times as they explored.

"This river runs through your property?" he asked**,** after Hephaistion had led him through the woods and to a wondrous rush of water. "It's beautiful. I can picture you spending a lot of time here, your face melancholy and thoughtful, perhaps writing out some of that lyrical prose that I know floats around in your head."

Hephaistion turned to Alexander, his heart overflowing with his beloved's words. "I never realized that you knew I still wrote."

"I may have never acknowledged half the things that I still know about you. And for that I am truly sorry."

The longhaired man looked away then, his heart aching and his thoughts battling inside his skull. "It's been a long journey, Alexander ... perhaps, you'd like to bathe in the river to cool yourself."

"That sounds lovely," Alexander replied, veering away from the subject he really wished to speak of. "I have a clean chiton in my bag. I'll run and get it."

"No," Hephaistion said sharply. "You refresh yourself. I'll go retrieve it and find a towel for you."

"You'll not be joining me?"

"No. I bathed this morning," Hephaistion lied. "I'll just wash up later. Is your bag still on your horse? Oh, does that mean Bucephalus is here as well? I've missed that old stubborn bastard."

Alexander hung his head, thoughts going to the time before he had reached his beloved, again. "I lost him, Phai. In an attack on the palace."

Hephaistion's mouth hung open, his arms itching to wrap around the sadness that had encompassed his love. "I'm so sorry, Alexander. I'm truly sorry. I know what he meant to you."

"Not as much as other things. Other things that I allowed to get away but I hope are still within my grasp." Alexander's eyes returned to the cerulean pools, searching for some sign of understanding and acceptance.

"I'll be back in a short while, Alexander. Enjoy your bath." Hephaistion turned and quickly walked away from the King, his heart beating wildly and loudly in his ears. He needed to be strong. He needed to be the new man he had become, not the old man he had left behind. Alexander being there was a test, a test of Hephaistion's strength and passion. He could not falter. He could not let his heart lead his mind as he had for some many years.

This was the new Hephaistion and he needed Alexander to see that he could not be swayed back into the life he had abandoned. His mind was fighting hard against the ache in his heart and the wanting in his soul, fighting to protect the very part of him that wanted nothing more but to grab Alexander and never let him go.

*****

Returning with a fresh chiton for the King, Hephaistion stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of Alexander's naked body reclining on the grass beside the river. The pale skin and bright hair seemed to glow in the sunlight, the man's long, lean muscles stretching over the earth**,** and his nakedness shining in the brightness of the day.

Hephaistion cleared his throat in hopes the man would at least cover certain parts of himself but was rewarded with a mere turn of the King's head and a mischievous grin. "The water's wonderful, Phai. You truly have a god's paradise here."

"Yes ... thank ... thank you," Hephaistion stammered. "Your new horse seems fit, Alexander. Is she easy to handle?" He walked closer to the King, his eyes looking everywhere but at the slightly erect member lying on the man's belly. "I've taken her to the barn so she can rest and be free of the sun for a while." He handed Alexander the chiton and towel and carefully sat down beside him, but not too close.

"Thank you. She's a good girl. Rather feisty at times but that's what I've always liked in my horses, is it not?"

"Feisty does not even begin to describe that old beast of yours. You must miss him terribly."

"I do and I think of him often. There have been too many losses in my life as of late. Too many to bear, truth be told."

Hephaistion sidestepped the conversation that he knew Alexander was trying to engage him in. "You said there was an attack on the palace? What happened, Alexander?"

"Shall we just enjoy the sound of the water and the warmth of the sun for now, Hephaistion? Perhaps we can catch up over our evening meal?"

Hephaistion nodded, and leaned back on his hands. "Yes, that sounds like the perfect plan, my King." He smirked as Alexander opened his mouth**,** then closed it again and laid his body back onto the hard earth. Hephaistion did the same, his eyes turned to the blue sky, happy to not have the nakedness of the man staring him in the face anymore. Is it not true that a man can only take so much before he cracks**,** and seeing Alexander's nude form for much longer would surely have broken the former general's already-weakened resolve.

*****

The rest of the afternoon was pleasant and unassuming. The men had fallen asleep by the river, basking in the warmth of the day and the closeness of each other. Hephaistion's dreams were not about Alexander for the first time in months**,** and he marveled at how strange that was**,** being that the man had been lying beside him as he slept. They both awoke refreshed and ready to resume their time together.

"Come with me, Alexander," Hephaistion said**,** as Alexander slipped the clean chiton over his head. "I should check my traps for our evening meal."

The traps produced two rabbits**,** which both men agreed would make a wonderful dinner. Hephaistion skinned and cooked them to perfection with a few vegetables from his neighbor.

"So**,** Xenos is it?" Hephaistion asked the soldier who had joined them for their meal. "How is it that I do not remember you**,** but you have been given the grand duty of protecting your King while he is away?"

"I've not been assigned to protect the ..."

"Xenos fought bravely in the assault on the palace**,** so I offered up the opportunity as a bit of a reward**,** if you will," Alexander interrupted, shooting the man a look that clearly said**,** "Hold your tongue".

"Yes ... Alexan ... his majesty was most gracious in choosing me**,** as I did nothing more than any other soldier during the assault."

"And why are you the only one?" Hephaistion asked, his sea-blue eyes penetrating the younger man's until the man was forced to look away.

"I'm quite tired, sir," the soldier stuttered. "Might I be excused to retire to my room?"

"Of course." Alexander said quickly, as Hephaistion turned his gaze from one to the other. "I'm in good hands, I assure you."

Once Xenos had left the two men alone, an uncomfortable silence fell over them. Hephaistion toiled to find something to say that didn't involve asking a million questions that Alexander seemed not to want to answer.

"How thoughtless of me," he suddenly said. "I've not brought the wine to the table. Why did you not just ask me for it, Alexander?"

"I'll not be needing any wine, Phai, but thank you."

Hephaistion paused and looked inquiringly at his beloved. "No wine? Are you feeling unwell?"

Alexander snorted. "No. But I can understand your surprise. Truth be told**,** I've not had a cup since the attack on the palace and I honestly don't miss it. It's actually quite refreshing not to have bits of my memory missing because of my excessive indulging."

No wine? Hephaistion thought he must be dreaming or Alexander had suddenly become adept at lying to him. He studied his love's face carefully but saw no signs of deception or teasing. "That's remarkable to say the least, Alexander," he finally sputtered out. "A true feat in itself. I'm quite proud of you, my king."

Alexander's eyes upon his own were too intense, too loving, too exacting for the former general and he immediately busied himself with feeding the scraps of the meal to Xan.

"Do I make you so uncomfortable that you have to call me your king? I do not mean to do that**,** and I beg you not to use my ... title, Hephaistion."

"Alright."

Alexander reached over and brushed an auburn strand from his love's face, his fingers lingering on the soft, familiar skin for more than a moment. "I expected you to have cut your hair, but it's even longer now."

"I guess it's just become a part of me over the years, though cutting it would be a nice change when it gets tangled and sweaty some days." Hephaistion pulled his head from Alexander's touch, shaking it gently so the long locks partially hid his face.

"I've always loved your hair."

"Alexander, please ..."

"You just need someone to take care of it for you. I always loved brushing it and playing with it."

Hephaistion finally turned his downcast eyes up to the brown ones staring wondrously at him; the look they cast causing Hephaistion's skin to bristle. "How long do you intend on leaving the palace kingless?"

It was Alexander's turn to look uncomfortable, his own eyes pulling away from the intensity of Hephaistion's and looking down at his hands. "They are not kingless, as you say. Matters are well in hand." Hephaistion tilted his head in confusion. "I knew not the right time to tell you my news, Phai."

"News?"

"I've given up my birthright. I've stepped away from the throne."

Hephaistion snorted and looked around him. "What a preposterous idea. Has Cleitus put you up to this, Alexander? Perhaps he'll be next to arrive, proclaiming me his one and only." He snorted, again, and chuckled to himself but stopped when Alexander's warm hand settled itself on his arm, causing his flesh to goose bump instantly.

"Cleitus is dead."

The longhaired man's eyes widened, the blueness immediately brightening in the dimness of the room as his mouth dropped open. "That is not amusing, Alexander. Why would you ..."

"He died in the attack, my love. He died protecting me. I knew I must tell you in person. I know he meant a lot to you**,** as he did to me ..."

"When?" Hephaistion's voice was deep and low, the sadness of his tone filling the room.

"Just over two months after you left. I wanted to come sooner but I had to make my peace with ..."

"It's taken you an entire day to tell me this?"

"I knew not how, Hephaistion, you must understand that," Alexander cried out. I honestly tried several times but the words would not leave my lips."

"I understand," the former general said quietly. "I must apologize."

The two men sat in silence, the only sound being the large dog devouring the last of the rabbit. After several minutes of quiet and uncertainty, Hephaistion broke the melancholy. "I'm tired, Alexander, and I believe I'll go to my bed. My days start early. I know you understand that. Please, don't touch a thing, I'll clean up in the morning. Your things are in the room at the end of the hall. Everything you need should be there. Please excuse me. Goodnight, Alexander."

Hephaistion stumbled from his chair even before all the words had tumbled from his mouth or Alexander had a chance to respond, his mind reeling and the blood pumping frantically in his ears. His eyes stung sharply with burning tears and it became difficult for him to breathe when he finally reached his room. Leaning on the door to shut it, he let his body slide down to the floor, sitting still**,** overwhelmed**,** until he gave in to the sobs that overpowered his throat.

Cleitus dead? How was that possible? And why did that fact leave him sobbing with remorse, his body wracked with pain and his chest aching? He suddenly heard footsteps in the hall and he clapped a hand over his mouth to stifle the noise he was having trouble containing.

"Hephaistion?" Alexander's voice said softly. "Phai, my love, can you not even seek my comfort for a tragedy such as this? Please, Phai ... I want only to help you. My heart aches with the pain I know you're feeling ... Phai?"

When Alexander finally gave up and returned to his room, Hephaistion slowly lifted himself from the floor and staggered to his bed, throwing himself unceremoniously onto the cover and burying his head in the pillow.

Such a weak reaction, such an unnecessary and irrational thing for a life-long warrior to allow. He was a soldier no longer, but the years of containing such emotions and reactions should still be with him, should they not? Had he given up his internal strength and armor at the same time he had left behind the exterior?

Moving to his side and bringing his knees to his chest, he reflected on his true feelings for the black-eyed general. Certainly he had been aware of the love he felt for the man, but he surely had not expected such a feeling of complete loss at his passing. He did not remember even feeling such pain after his own father had passed on.

He shifted his body so his face turned into the pillow again. The bed creaked and for a moment he held his breath. He worried that Alexander would hear him moving about and again try to reach him.

Alexander. The mere thought of his beloved brought to life more pain within Hephaistion. He yearned to be in Alexander's arms, yearned to let the man who haunted his thoughts both night and day, back into his heart. And now ... with Cleitus ... it reaffirmed that life was fragile and short, but the torture of being forced to let Alexander leave again simply overpowered Hephaistion. It made him cower deeper into his bed and his thoughts.

And what had the man meant by giving up his birthright anyhow?

*****

"Joy to you, Hephaistion." Alexander's voice broke the longhaired general from his sleepy daze upon exiting his room.

"Joy to you, Alexander," he replied, stretching his tired body. He had not slept much, his thoughts revolving around Cleitus and Alexander all night. He'd come to no conclusions about what to do about his beloved**,** who stood smiling at him in the early morning light. No conclusions at all.

"You are up early," Hephaistion said**,** as he made his way to the jug of water and poured himself a cup. "Did you not sleep well?"

"I slept well, thank you. I want to apologize ..."

"Not necessary. Upon reflection, I realize the news was not easy to reveal and I am sorry you had to be the one who brought it to me."

Alexander's smile faded and he titled his head slightly. "You're not happy that I came personally then?"

"I mean, I'm not happy that you had to be the one to tell me such horrors as you did. Of course I'm happy you're here, Alexander."

The blond-haired man opened his mouth to speak but Hephaistion cut him off. "I'd best be getting to my chores, then. Please do as you like. My home is yours."

"Do you not have someone helping you, Phai? What's become of the caretaker you've always spoken so highly of?"

"He's still here on occasion, but he's getting on in years and I save the bigger tasks for myself."

"Then I mean to help you, of course."

Hephaistion chuckled and turned towards his beloved. "I do not expect nor wish to dirty your hands, Alexander. It's not easy or enjoyable work. And you are my guest."

"Are you saying I wouldn't know how to do an honest day's work, Phai?" Alexander teased. "I've run a kingdom with more than a few men under my control, so I believe I can handle a few horses and some chickens."

Smiling widely, Hephaistion shifted his feet and tipped his head towards the door. "Let's go then, my King ... I mean, my beloved."

*****

The day was long and hot and very satisfying for both men. Alexander was happy to simply be beside his beloved, working hard and feeling fulfilled with a good day's work. Hephaistion was also happy for the same reasons, but with the added thankfulness that Alexander had not tried to bring up any personal issues with him. Cleitus had entered the day's conversation, but only in the context of some of the things the man would always be remembered for.

When the men halted their work for an apple from Hephaistion's own trees and a cup of water, Alexander led him back to the house. "I have something for you, Phai," he said, wrapping one arm around the man. "It was Cleitus' last wish."

"He didn't die right away?"

"No. But he did not suffer long and his one last request was for you to have something very special to him."

Leaving Hephaistion in the dining area of the house, Alexander returned to his room and brought back a silken bag. "This was a gift from my father to Cleitus and he cherished it always. His final words were for you to have it because he loved you."

Hephaistion dropped down into a chair, his heart racing and tears threatening to erupt from his eyes. "His dagger?" he whispered, holding and stroking the precious item in his hands. "He was never without it. I remember it well, but I believe you should have it, Alexander, since it was a gift from your father."

"No, Phai. He was very clear that you had brought something special into his life and he wanted to return the favor."

Hephaistion lowered his head, his vision blurring as the threatening tears erupted from his eyes. He hated the emotion that poured from him, hated it almost as much as the yearning in his heart for Alexander to take him in his arms and hold him until the pain went away. And suddenly, his beloved did just that.

"I'm sorry, Phai," Alexander whispered into the strong chest as he knelt before his love and wrapped his arms tightly around him. "He was a great man and he shall never be forgotten by anyone who knew him. He loved you, and so do I ... with all my heart."

"Please Alexander, don't!" Hephaistion reared up from his chair, knocking the man to the ground in his haste. "Please do not whisper words of love to me. I cannot ... I will not let my heart yearn for you. I cannot allow myself to go through that again, and I beg you to not make me do so."

The former general strode determinedly towards the door, leaving an open-mouthed Alexander in his wake, only the words, "I'm not King anymore, Phai," stopping him dead in his tracks. "I've given up my title. I'll not be breaking your heart again. I'm here to give you all of me, if you'll have me."

"What?" Hephaistion cried out. "You've done what ... you've come to give me ... what?"

"It's true, love. I am merely a humble man, now. A humble man looking for another chance with the beloved who still holds his heart and always has."

Hephaistion shook his head, his hands going into his hair and massaging his scalp. "I don't understand ... I can't ... I can't deal with this right now, Alexander. I'm sorry." Then he was gone.

*****

Alexander sat down heavily on the chair that Hephaistion had just vacated. He had expected his beloved to react to his declaration of freedom in a less dramatic way**,** and he certainly had not expected the man to leave him sitting by himself as he rushed off. Perhaps Hephaistion had been sending him telling signs since he had arrived**:** the lack of physical contact, the unwillingness to express any emotions, the separate beds.

Had Alexander arrived too late to reclaim the man's heart, to reclaim that which he wanted so badly, that which he had sullied with his unintentional inattentiveness? And had it been unintentional at all? How many times**,** and by how many Persians and Greeks, as well, had he been told that kings should not be bedding their soldiers and least of all, their generals? Had his behavior stemmed from the comments and advices of those who wished to see him become a better king**,** or those who wished to see him falter without Hephaistion's unconditional support?

He had lied to Hephaistion**,** and though he regretted doing so, he also could not bring himself to tell the man how Cleitus had suffered in those days when he hung between life and death. How the black-eyed general had cried out from the pain**,** and begged Alexander**,** and anyone else who would listen**,** to kill him and end the torture he was experiencing. He'd been coherent in between bouts of agony**,** and had indeed spoken warmly and lovingly about Hephaistion, admitting he'd loved the man as much more than just a friend and son, and bestowing his most prized possession on him.

But where Cleitus had had words of love and admiration for Hephaistion, he'd had only words of distain and disappointment for Alexander. He spoke of the betrayal and injustice that the king had put upon the man he claimed to love. He whispered that Alexander was a fool and an idiot. He accused him of using his wine consumption to avoid the true feelings he had for Hephaistion, using the wine to make it easier to set the longhaired general aside. He knew about the ramblings in the palace**,** whispers of how disgraceful it was for a king to be bedding his general, and he told Alexander he knew the gossiping had everything to do with the King's mistreatment of Hephaistion.

Cleitus accused him of choosing the words of men who did not even respect him over the love and loyalty of a man he had known and loved since boyhood. Some of his delirious rants became about Philip and Cleitus' love for him**,** then changed quickly back to Hephaistion, the change in rants sometimes lasting for hours.

With each passing day, Cleitus experienced more pain and more delusions, and was less and less coherent, until Alexander had decided that he must be the one to end the general's misery. It had to be him and no one else. On that final day, as he held Cleitus' own dagger in his hands, the room clear of anyone else, the general's eyes had opened for the last time and the familiar blackness became clear and more focused than it had been in days. He smiled at Alexander, a smile that was devoid of pain and even sadness**,** and motioned the King closer.

"Choose him above all else, Alexander, for he is your destiny and your dream. Choose him." Then he was gone. Alexander had slumped his head upon the broad chest and cried. He cried for the first time since Hephaistion had left. He cried for Cleitus**,** and Hephaistion**,** and for all the men he had lost in the sudden attack**,** and all the men he had lost in battle. He cried for his dead father and his conniving mother, but most of all, he cried for himself.

Ptolemy had pulled him from Cleitus' dead body and settled him into his own room, pouring him a cup of wine**,** which Alexander quickly set aside. His mind had worked and toiled and schemed for days until it was finally clear what he would do, what he must do, then suddenly his body ached no more and his heart beat with a new found hope. He would be Alexander, lover of Hephaistion, not Alexander the king, and that realization brought new life into the man who had surely been broken for some time. He had found himself smiling for the first time in a very long while.

*****

"Hephaistion! Hephaistion, are you here?"

A woman's voice broke Alexander from his thoughts and he looked up into the startling green eyes of a young lady who was looking questioningly back at him.

"Oh pardon me, sir," she said softly, beginning to back out of the room again. "I was looking for Hephaistion. Do you know where he might be? I checked the barns and the places he would normally go at this time of the day, but have not found him yet."

Alexander stumbled for words, rising from his chair and examining the creature in front of him. She was beautiful and young and refreshing**,** and brought an air of exuberance into the room. "I'm not sure where he went but I welcome you to wait here**,** as I do not believe he will be gone long."

The woman frowned slightly. "I came to tell Hephaistion that my grandfather is not feeling well and won't be coming 'round today. And I made him some fresh bread for his supper tonight."

It was Alexander's turn to frown. "You know Hephaistion well then?"

"Oh yes, we'll be married one day."

"Married?"

"Hephaistion will make a very good husband, don't you think? Who exactly are you, again?

Alexander shook his head, clearing his brain from the tumbling questions circling his mind. He was still unaccustomed to such casual forwardness**,** and most especially from a woman**,** but he soldiered on. "My apologies, my lady. I am ... Alexander. Hephaistion and I are old boyhood friends. And you are?"

"I'm Cassandra. My father is the caretaker here, or at least he was until Hephaistion came back."

The manner in which she kept saying Hephaistion's name made Alexander's skin crawl and his heart ache. She spoke of him with such familiarity and love that he had but one question that whirled through his mind. "Did you say you were getting married?"

"Yes."

His mouth hanging open in a rude manner, Alexander continued his inquisition. "Do you also reside here then?"

"No. Not yet. But once we are married, I will become the lady of the house and will undoubtedly move my grandfather back in as well. He thinks of Hephaistion as a son so the arrangement will be most satisfying to everyone."

Alexander tilted his head, his mind suddenly throbbing with his confusion. "He is courting you then? You've spent time alone?"

"Of course. He is my intended. Now would you be so kind as to give this to him? I told my grandfather I would not be long since he is not well. Good day to you, Alexander."

Alexander took the bread and threw himself back into his chair. By the gods, he was too late.


	7. Chapter 7 King's Journey

A/N - Last chapter - more AU than the rest - enjoy!

******

The rush of the river's water soothed the pain Hephaistion was feeling in his head and his heart. It calmed the confusion racking his brain**,** and pacified the overwhelming feeling of hope that clutched at all his internal organs. How could a man be expected to calmly wrap his mind around so much information all at once**,** when that man's heart and emotions were surely working against his brain and wisdom?

He wished only to close his eyes and drift off to another time. The unfortunate problem that arose was that he was unsure which time he wished to be in. Perhaps the years of being by Alexander's side, waiting and wanting and yearning; the younger times**,** when Alexander only had eyes for him and the army was not so prevalent in the young King's thoughts. Or perhaps the past few months were the better choice; times where he kept his body and mind busy with hard labor and other things besides Alexander. His confusion wrapped around him like a deadly serpent, squeezing his brain and body**,** until he had to lie back and close his eyes.

*****

Alexander paused beside the clearing to the river. He'd known where to look for Hephaistion as soon as he'd stormed out. His beloved reclined beside the beautiful water, and had his eyes been open, Alexander knew they would have matched the stunning beauty of the water and the sky. He missed those eyes dearly, those blues that intrigued him, that hypnotized and drowned him. He missed everything about the man and realized he could stand for an entire day or more, just looking at him, just taking in all that was Hephaistion. It was more than just the mere beauty of the man, though that was definitely something only a blind man with no hands with which to feel could possibly ignore.

His beloved had always had a cloud of serenity and peace that encompassed him. He'd always brought a calming presence into every situation, whether he purposely tried or not. Even as boys, Alexander had marveled at the way Hephaistion could contain and distract the madness around him. He could definitely take care of himself when the need arose but his words and gestures always brought far better resolutions than his fists or the ones of their friends', Alexander himself included.

Alexander had sensed Hephaistion's aura becoming blacker and less encompassing over the past couple of years, but he had been so busy with ruling and conquering and proving something to everyone, including himself, that he had simply ignored the grayness that began to follow his best friend, his closest companion, his lover for all time. And now it would seem that he was too late. He'd lost, again, that which he had come to this place to find, to rekindle, to reestablish; Hephaistion's love. And really, if he loved the man as much as he knew he did; his heart and soul and whole body, should he not just be happy that his beloved had regained his calmness and peacefulness and serenity, even if it was with another?

"So I was right?" Hephaistion sat up quickly, turning to see Alexander approaching slowly. "I pictured you enjoying this place, did I not?"

"You did and you were right. It is my favorite spot for thought and reflection. I believe it was when I was a boy as well."

"It suits you," the man said, dropping himself to the ground beside Hephaistion. "It's beautiful and calm and wise and wild all at the same time, as are you."

Hephaistion smiled shyly. "I'm sorry I ran out. That was most inconsiderate of me, Alexander," he dipped his head**,** then looked back up into the intense brown eyes. "Perhaps I'm still not ready to deal with Cleitus' death but the dagger ... it makes it all the more real."

"I understand and I'm certainly not one you have to explain your behavior to, Phai. Are you feeling any better?"

"Yes, thank you. Is it true Alexander?"

"Cleitus?"

"I trust you would not say such a terrible thing if it were not true, but did he truly not suffer?"

Alexander tore his eyes from his beloved's, his gaze focusing on the rushing water. He wanted to lie to Hephaistion. He wanted to save him the details of Cleitus' death but he knew he couldn't. "It was not swift as I said. He did suffer**,** but he also exorcised some of his demons as well. I spent as much time with him as I could and he spoke of you with so much love and respect, Phai. You truly brought happiness into his life."

"And he had words for you as well, I assume?" Hephaistion smiled, his heart full of sadness for the death of his good friend, but pride peeked through also, pride that Cleitus had loved him so dearly.

"Oh**,** yes," Alexander managed a chuckle. "He solidified my reason for being here."

"How so?"

"Cleitus was never one to hold his tongue, as you well know, but when he was close to death he became even more frank. I guess you could say he gave me a well-deserved and long-awaited tongue lashing."

"He was harsh with you?"

"Not at all. He was honest**,** and did not tell me anything that was not already buried deeply and inexcusably inside of me. Cleitus brought me back to where I should have been all along. He brought me back to my true self, Phai." Alexander looked longingly at Hephaistion, his eyes showing everything in his heart.

"Then it's true that you have no intention of going back?"

"I am no longer king. All I am and all I have is what you see before you."

"But who ...?'

"Ptolemy."

"Was it ever proven that he is your half-brother? Did Philip even claim him before he died?"

"He did, but with the stipulation that it not be revealed unless a situation of dire importance erupted. This situation was dire ... to me."

"And Ptolemy? Did he know?"

"He did. And should it have been any other man, I believe there would be been a dispute, but with Ptolemy ... well, he was content in his position and even when my decision was made, he did not go forth and celebrate the news."

"He did not want to be king?"

"You know our Ptolemy. He was content with his title but he has now accepted, and I believe, is flourishing as king."

"That is the most incredulous thing**,** and I'm not sure I'll ever wrap my mind around it."

"I'm sorry I suddenly appeared with such news, Hephaistion, both of Cleitus and of myself. And I most certainly do not expect to remain here with you and your new wife."

Hephaistion's eyes shot from the peaceful water to Alexander's sad face. "My what?"

"I'm pleased you'll have such a fine woman to love**,** and to be the mother of your children."

"Alexander, did you suffer a fall and perhaps, knock yourself senseless? I have no new wife and I certainly have no children." Hephaistion's eyes opened wide and he tilted his head in confusion.

"I met Cassandra and she's lovely. I hope you'll be very ..."

"Cassandra?" Hephaistion laughed out loud. "Why would you believe she's to become my wife?"

"She told me so," the former King insisted. "She was quite clear on the matter, I assure you."

"And I assure you that I have not even kissed the girl, Alexander."

"So you're a man of respect and honor, that's admirable ..."

"And I never intend to. She, perhaps, feels differently. Did you honestly believe I'd found myself a woman and was settling down?"

"I ..."

"A woman, Alexander?" Hephaistion couldn't help smirking at the audacity of the Alexander's thoughts.

"She said ..." Alexander looked down at his hands, his face reddening.

"Do you not know me better than that, my love? You have always been the only one in my heart and you'll be the only one in my heart, always." Placing a finger under Alexander's chin, Hephaistion brought their eyes to focus on each other again. "There is no girl**,** nor woman**,** nor man who has ever, or will ever, replace the love I have for you."

Alexander gasped quietly. "You still love me?"

"You believed it to be otherwise?"

"You have avoided me since I arrived."

"Because I feared my heart could not take another farewell, Xander. I could not bear to let myself love you and then have you leave."

"You called me Xander," Alexander smiled, his eyes crinkling softly. "You've not called me that since we were young."

"Just don't tell the dog**,** he may feel you've taken his name."

Alexander moved his hand and rested it lovingly on Hephaistion's face, his thumb gently rubbing the man's cheekbone. "I've been such a fool, Hephaistion, such an utter and blind fool. I let the feelings and words of others sway what was in my heart. I allowed others**,** who had no bearing in my life, who had no importance to me in this world, smother my true feelings. I allowed myself to be led away from you, the man who has always held my heart. Will you ever find it in yourself to forgive me?"

A small sob escaped Hephaistion's throat as his heart soared and his mind finally submitted to his feelings. "You're not a fool**,** my love. I've never thought you a fool and no matter how many times you may have broken my heart or dampened my spirit, there is no way I could ever inot/i forgive you," he blurted out, placing his hand over Alexander's on his face and leaning in to the contact. "You're all I want in my life**,** but I fear I may have driven you to give up everything for me ..."

The former King opened his mouth to speak but was quieted by Hephaistion's finger on his lips. "I may fear that very fact**,** but I must be truthful to you and tell you I have no guilt with regards to it. I'm overjoyed to have you here**,** and I hope you will forgive me for wanting you so badly, that I wished for you to come to me with just this news**,** and in just this way. I believe I may have turned into a selfish man in my short time away."

"Not selfish, Phai, merely deserving. You deserve everything you wish for and if it is truly I that you wish for, then it is I you shall have. I am proud to be your beloved and ashamed to have forgotten that fact for so long."

Hephaistion stroked a curl from Alexander's face, watching a tear slip slowly down the man's face. "I have missed you ... ."

"Then I can stay?"

"I cannot have a wayward king roaming the country, now can I? It is my duty to save him, is it not?"

Alexander's eyes softened as he looked into the cerulean pools of his beautiful lover. "No more duties, Phai. No more duties and no more kingly rules. I am yours for now**,** and always**,** and you shall now rule over me."

"I want not to rule you, only to love you and be with you. That's all I've ever wanted." He moved his lips to Alexander's and pressed their mouths together. "My home is your home, Alexander, but if I have to set my own rules, in order that you never leave me, then so be it."

Grasping Alexander by the shoulders, Hephaistion pushed him to the ground and straddled his body, his mouth crushing the unresisting one beneath him. Tongues forced themselves past willing lips and teeth, tangling together and bringing sighs from the bodies so desperate to be together, for so long.

Hephaistion pressed his tightening crotch to Alexander's, straightening his legs so he lay completely covering the former king, lips to toes. "It's been too long, Xander," he whispered as tears suddenly sprang to his eyes. "Gods, I've missed you."

"And I, you," Alexander whispered back, his hands roaming the hardness of Hephaistion's back and settling on his bottom. "I have so many regrets of all that happened before you left ..."

"No, my beloved," Hephaistion moaned, one hand stroking the curls from his lover's forehead and the other caressing the man's chest. "No regrets and no apologies. I wish to start over with you, in every way."

"Just allow me one request." Hephaistion's cerulean beauties met the intense brown of Alexander's eyes and he nodded. "I want you to take me, Phai. I've always wanted you to take me**,** but my pride and my stubbornness never allowed it. Please make me yours in every possible way."

Hephaistion dropped his head to Alexander's shoulder, the stinging tears wetting the man's tunic without remorse or embarrassment. "It's not what I need, Alexander. It's not what I need to be with you**,** if it does not suit you. I wish only to be with you."

Grabbing Hephaistion's shoulders and bringing him back up to face him, Alexander's eyes mirrored the wetness of the former general's. "It is what I need, Phai. I wish no longer to be that man who fears the looks and whispers of others**,** or who fears he will be less a man by being dominated by someone he loves. I am not that man anymore. I love you and I want to submit to you and be completely yours."

"I love you." Hephaistion's words were drowned by Alexander's mouth taking his. The two kissed desperately at first**,** as boots were hastily removed and tunics shed. Hands explored bare skin as if it was newfound territory**,** while the sun beat down on their nakedness and eventually left the sky in the hands of the shining moon. The desperation gave way to tenderness and loving caresses**,** as mouths and lips and tongues sucked and licked and nipped.

Hephaistion ran his tongue down the body he had painfully missed; over the stubbled jaw, down the yielding neck and around the erect nipples. He was feeling more emotions than he had ever felt in his life, all at the same time. Love, fear, want, need, guilt, pleasure, and longing all mixed and throbbed within his body, the throbbing matching that of his fully erect member and making him moan against Alexander's skin.

"I feel remorse that I will not be your first, Alexander, and more so that you will not be mine as well ..."

"Cleitus told me, Phai," Alexander whispered, taking Hephaistion's head in his hands and pulling him back up to face him. Pressing his lips lingeringly to his lover's, he gripped the long hair then finally pulled away. "It will be as if we are both in the throes of our youth again, my love, as if we are both innocent virgins because that is the way we are at this very moment. New and fresh and finally together. I've prayed you would receive me in this way, with passion and forgiveness and acceptance. There's nothing to fear, Phai, just take me and make me yours for all our lives."

Hephaistion grabbed Alexander's head and crushed their lips together, all feelings of insecurity and guilt and fear replaced by nothing but love. As his lips moved against his beloved's, his hand roamed Alexander's body, caressing the strong chest and taut belly, the slim hips and muscular thighs, and finally the stiff members pressed together between their bodies.

"It will be my pleasure and privilege to make love to you, Xander," he whispered, as Alexander sucked in his breath from the feel of the hand on his cock. "You're making all my dreams come true and were I to die at this very moment, I would die a truly happy man."

"There will definitely be no dying, Phai," Alexander murmured, his own hands running down Hephaistion's muscled arms and smooth back then clutching his round backside. He felt his lover tremble beneath his fingertips and could not keep the smile from overtaking his face. "I've not come this far to have to follow you to Hades so soon. But you can trust that from now on, I will follow you wherever you wish to go."

"You've truly changed, Alexander, and I truly love you with all my heart." Hephaistion whispered against his beloved's lips. "How do you prefer ... I ..."

"I wish to face you ... I need to see the pleasure and emotions play out on your face so I can share in them, and you in turn can share in mine."

As two bodies became one, an epiphany of moans and groans filled the quiet air and they loved like their bodies were new to each other, like their hearts had suddenly became one, and like they had never loved before.

*****

Alexander opened his eyes first, setting aside a strand of long auburn hair that clung to the stickiness of his face. He turned his head and looked adoringly at the still-sleeping Hephaistion, his heart soaring with a contentment and calmness he had not felt in years. They lay, limbs entwined, by the gentle flow of the river, the soft bubbling having lulled them to sleep when their bodies finally gave out in exhaustion.

He touched his lips, finding them sore and chapped, chuckling softly to himself, knowing the price of swollen lips was a most agreeable sum to pay for the enormous pleasure he had reaped from kissing his beloved for what had to have been hours. He reached out a hand and gently touched the sleeping beauty, pushing the sweaty locks from his lover's skin and allowing his fingers to linger and trace the familiar contours of Hephaistion's face.

To think he had allowed this man to get away from him, to leave him and just walk out of his life and take his very heart and soul with him. He vowed they would not be separated again, and he would do everything in his power to make Hephaistion as happy as he was at that very moment.

"You stare at me with such love in your eyes, my King," the awakened man whispered**,** as Alexander's eyes met the deep blue of his eyes. "If I were a young lady, I would surely be blushing now from the lusty thoughts you so openly display."

"I am not your king any longer, remember?" Alexander corrected, leaning over and pressing his lips to Hephaistion's. "And should you be a young lady, I would not be looking at you in the same way**,** nor would I be feeling the lust that I am."

Hephaistion laughed and raised himself up onto his elbows. "I feel I am truly still living in a dream, Xander. And in that dream, you will always be my beloved king, and I will always be your loyal general."

"But that was not a happy circumstance for you, Phai, nor was it for me," Alexander replied, sitting up and wrapping his body around his lover from behind, his thighs straddling Hephaistion's hips and his arms sliding around his muscular chest . "Is this not truly a better situation that we are now in, as equals**,** with the eyes of no one judging or preaching to us?"

"There will always be eyes," Hephaistion replied, leaning back into Alexander's embrace.

"But not eyes of men willing to take everything we mean to each other and use it to our disadvantage. Can you not see that?"

"Of course, and I do agree, but I merely wish for you to recognize that being together here does not alleviate all the scorn that is still in the hearts of men, Xander. You spoke of being swayed by the thoughts of others ..."

"But I shan't be swayed again, of that I can promise you. Are you truly happy I'm here, my beloved?"

"How can you ask me that? I am happier than any man deserves to be, but I still worry that this is not your destiny, that this is not what and who you are fated to be."

"A very wise man once told me that iyou/i are my destiny and my dream, Hephaistion, and I only wish I would have realized it sooner in my life**,** and not put you through the pain that I did. Do you have other fears, my love?"

"Yes." Hephaistion dipped his head, resting his chin on his chest as he dug deep for the courage he needed to continue. "I still fear you'll become tired of the life you have now chosen**.** I fear I have unknowingly forced you to come to the harsh decision you have made**,** and you will end up regretting that decision and come to feel disillusioned with me. You're everything I care for and by the sweet breath of Aphrodite, I've been so jealous of losing you to this world you want so badly, but have I now forced your hand, Alexander? Have I been so jealous and afraid of losing you, that's I've taken away the very things that make you ... Alexander?"

Alexander's eyes welled up**,** but he made no move to clear his blurry vision, instead clutching Hephaistion closer to him. "The only world I want so badly, is your world, Hephaistion, and my decision is one of finality. There may not be a lot that I am aware of right now as I gaze upon all the beauty that is you and I together, but there is one thing I know for sure. You are my destiny, Phai, you are my life and I am yours. I generally trust in your fears and your instincts, my beloved, but in this situation, I can assure you that there is no cause for you to be hesitant. I'll be here with you until we are old, gray men, until we are unable to walk unassisted to this beautiful river**,** and until the both of us take that one final journey and meet again in the great beyond."

"You've become rather poetic in your ide-kinging/i, Xander," Hephaistion turned his head and whispered into the bright curls, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to Alexander's lips. "I may ask you to repeat your words again and again, just so they stay fresh in my mind. Would you find that bothersome or too repetitive, my love?"

"Never. But I hope a few more afternoons like today will help alleviate some of your fears."

"Only a few?" Hephaistion cooed, turning further in Alexander's arms then moving his body to straddle him.

"You are a naughty general, aren't you?"

"Only Your naughty general though ... only yours."

*****

"Greetings, Alexander," Hephaistion called out**,** as the blond man strode through the door, hair sticking out every which way from the ponytail fastened at his neck. He was dirty and tired and thrilled to be home again. "You're later than was expected. I trust everything went well?"

"I've negotiated the take-over of entire lands, General Hephaistion, so I do believe I can sell a few horses," Alexander smirked, wrapping his arms around his lover from behind and breathing in his intoxicating scent before pressing a gentle kiss to the back of his neck.

"But what you fail to mention, my King, is that I was a far better negotiator than you," Hephaistion smirked back.

"Yes, I concur. You win**,** as always," Alexander replied, squeezing his lover between his strong arms. "And as I've not been anyone's king in over two years, I believe you can stop using my title now."

"You'll always be my king, have I not told you that before?" the longhaired man growled, rising from the laid-out scroll before him and turning into Alexander's arms. He wiped some dirt from the man's cheek before pressing a soft kiss to the side of his mouth. "And have I also told you lately how proud I am of you, my love?"

"Yes, but I never tire of hearing it," Alexander quipped, pulling gently on the leather cord that held his lover's hair back then running his fingers through the strands as they fell softly on Hephaistion's shoulders. "In what way are you proud of me, again?"

Hephaistion smirked and ran his hands down the man's back, feeling the muscles twitch and tremble beneath his fingers. He stopped his exploration when he reached the taut bottom and gave it a squeeze. "Well, let me think for a moment," he teased as he pressed open-mouthed kisses to the short hairs of Alexander's jaw. "I'm proud that even iafter/i the fact that you were no longer iruler of all/i sunk in to your love-addled brain, that you still kept your promise that you would never leave me. And I'm proud that you have adjusted to the life of a mere commoner so well and with such vigor."

"Is that all?" Alexander replied, his fingers raking lovingly through his beloved's hair.

"Oh no, of course not," Hephaistion hissed. "I'm also glad that despite the hard labor I subject you to day after day, you still have enough energy and stamina to make me yours night after night ..."

"And for you to make me yours, as well."

"That, my love, goes without saying, but would you like to know what I'm most proud of?"

Alexander knotted his fingers in Hephaistion's long locks and pulled gently. "Yes, though I can't imagine there's anything more important than what you just said."

Squeezing Alexander's rump again, Hephaistion pulled him against his chest and whispered seductively in his ear. "I'm most proud that you've kept this lovely bottom of yours so ripe and in shape for me. It is my favorite of your assets, you know."

"Hephaistion! I'm appalled at your favoritism," Alexander teased. "How can you say such a thing when I know for a fact that there is at least one other of my assets that satisfies you more than my ripe bottom."

"Excuse me, my lord ... now that I think harder on the subject, you may be right, but your ass is definitely a close second."

After a little more teasing and chuckling and some further indulgence into the fine art of kissing, the men looked deeply into each other's eyes and grew quiet and serious. "How is she today?" Alexander broke the silence.

"I fear it won't be long**,** but she's in good spirits. Go speak with her," Hephaistion urged, running a hand through Alexander's long curls.

"I still believe she does not care for me," Alexander murmured, leaning his forehead to his lover's.

"And she thinks the same about you. You must get past your discomfort and remember who is my beloved, Alexander. She poses no threat to you and never has. She needs us ... both of us."

Alexander nodded and with one last kiss, turned and headed down the hall. He knocked quietly on the door to the room that had once been his, part of him hoping the occupant inside was asleep. Just before he was about to step away, he heard a soft greeting from within then drawing a long breath and releasing it slowly, he entered the room.

"Alexander?" the frail woman on the bed spoke softly. "Please sit down. I've been wanting to speak with you."

"How are you feeling?" Alexander asked, seating himself on the chair beside the bed. "You look better."

Cassandra managed a slight laugh but soon fell quiet again. "I've always been jealous of you," she murmured. "I've always resented that you interrupted the life I had hoped to build with Hephaistion two years ago."

"I know."

"But now I see you as a good friend**,** and seeing the two of you together, I cannot imagine him with anyone else, not even me."

"Thank you."

"I know I have not long to live ..."

"That's perhaps not true ..."

"It is and I'm at peace with it, Alexander, because I know you and Hephaistion will always be together**,** and will always provide a home for my dearest. I know his days will always be filled with goodness and honor and love."

"And do you still not wish for us to find his father? Does he not have the right to know he has a son?"

"He does not. He bedded me and walked from my life the moment he knew I was with child. He has not even seen his son**,** nor do I ever wish him to. You and Hephaistion are his fathers**,** and I wish for that to remain so when I'm gone."

"We are honored, you know that."

"Please promise me that you will take care of him**,** and love him as if he were your own."

"We already do."

Cassandra nodded and closed her eyes, her face pale but relaxed in peace. "The sickness is getting worse, Alexander. I merely wish to pass on now, to be with my grandfather again**,** and to leave my son in your loving hands. I'm tired**,** and I no longer even have milk to sustain him**.** Please take him out to Hephaistion**, **he needs to be fed and changed. Go, Alexander, leave me with my thoughts."

Alexander nodded and sadly bent to kiss the feverish cheek, taking the bundle from her arms and quietly shutting the door behind him. Hephaistion stood just outside, his already-grieving body slumped against the wall, tanned arms crossed across his chest. "Does she wish me to go in?"

"No. She wishes to be alone. I believe the time is very near. Take him from me, will you, I fear I will drop him."

"You always fear you will drop him, but you never have," Hephaistion smiled**,** taking the blanketed infant from his lover's arms. "We'll take good care of him, won't we?"

"Of course. He's the son we both always dreamed of having. He'll grow up with tales of glorious battles and mighty generals and foolish kings and he'll have more love than any boy could ask for."

"Yes, he will." Hephaistion pushed the edges of the blanket from the baby's face as the child reached out and wrapped the former general's index finger in his own tiny hand, looking up into the adoring face "And one day, he'll also know that he had a third father," Hephaistion whispered. "A man who was brave and strong and loyal and loving. A man who would be proud to know there is a beautiful new lad to carry on his name."

Alexander stepped forward, enfolding the two people who held his heart, into his embrace, and whispering proudly into Hephaistion's hair. "I love you so much that my heart will surely burst, Phai, you and our own little Cleitus."


End file.
